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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #work #money #lessons #shouldn #sacrifice #rest #activities
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Over recent years, students labour
Correct your spelling
somehow
show examples
some how
Correct your spelling
somehow
show examples
 became a trend. Technology development pace in these days,
leeds
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Leeds
show examples
 to teenagers access to many inputs
such
Linking Words
 as knowledge about
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 skills. According to
this
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, many of them are willing to start learning something that can earn money from it. Some of them are trying to make their little online business. Another group of them participate in workshops or study online resources to achieve
new
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a new
show examples
 skill set.
This
Linking Words
 is a satisfying reason for parents who
are agree
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agree
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 with their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 working. Because they feel good about hard and soft skills that their child
learn
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learns
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 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Add a hyphen
part-time
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part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
of
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children
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children's
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 rights activists always emphasize
on
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apply
show examples
the importance of
teenagers
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teenagers'
teenager's
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 free time. They believe that kids and teenagers should use their after-school time to play, learn and have fun and each activity that causes
to
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apply
show examples
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 money from them
,
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apply
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 is a kind of child abuse.
This
Linking Words
 opinion is actively trying to protect
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 and happiness of childhood According to my own opinion, moderation is
main
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the main
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 standard to decide
in
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on
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 every issue. In relation to
this
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argument
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,argument
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 I believe
same
Correct article usage
the same
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. As
I'm
Unnecessary verb
I
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 thinking, we should respect our
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 adolescence and remember that
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
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 ages are
golden
Add an article
a golden
the golden
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 period of their life to learn, grow and be happy and free.
I'm not actually agree
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I do not actually agree
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 with having a job
in
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at
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 these ages, and
on
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion, we can make our
children
Use synonyms
 disciplined, responsible and more strong with some hobbies, games or learning
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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 that are not against
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their freedom and happiness; No need to encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to work.
Submitted by nazli.akmaly on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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