Some people believe that children should not be allowed to play video games while others believe that children should play games online. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #video #games

Advancement in technology has facilitated

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people to play

games

online on mobile and computer for recreation.It is often argued by some people that

schooler

Fix the agreement mistake

schoolers

show examples

must be prohibited to play online

games

.Meanwhile,others think that

children

should be allowed to play

video

games

This

essay will explore two schools of thought before reaching a logical opinion. On the one hand,the supporters of the view that

children

shouldn't be allowed to play

video

games

believe that online

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

make them dull.

Firstly

,as there is no physical involvement

Change preposition

show examples

ground

Add an article

the ground

show examples

, these types of

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

don't keep them fit and

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

Secondly

, online

games

don't teach them

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

team Spirit.

For instance

, according to a survey media all around the globe encourage people to play physical

games

Change preposition

show examples

ground

Add an article

the ground

show examples

by displaying live matches on TV.Thud,

children

should be avoided

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing

video

games

On the other hand

, the advocates of the view that

children

should play

video

games

believe that online

games

enhance creativity.

Firstly

such

type

Fix the agreement mistake

types

show examples

games

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

children

smarter mentally.

Secondly

, these

games

allow

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

to play anywhere with almost no physical exhaustion

Change preposition

show examples

this

modern world.

For example

, Japan is designing online

games

to make

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

intelligent increasingly.

Hence

children

should play

video

However

, I believe that physical

games

Change preposition

show examples

ground

Add an article

the ground

show examples

should be encouraged over

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

online

video

games

.Physical

games

keep one physically and mentally healthy. To sum up, even though

video

games

are very popular these days,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

from my perspective,

concept

Add an article

the concept

show examples

of physical

games

should be promoted among the

children

Submitted by shayyan1241 on Sun Oct 02 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

247 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that children should not be allowed to play video games while others believe that children should play games online. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?

Schools don’t give proper health educations to young people. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give you own opinion.

The government should invest in education and health care. Governments should invest these funds in tourism. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Students generally prefer to choose the period they are supposed to study and the period they are free to have fun. They should be allowed to do their time management. Do you agree or disagree?