IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Director and mangers are mostly older people. Some people believe young people will become better leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#director #mangers #people #leaders
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that older
people
Use synonyms
 take responsibility as a director and managers. There are others who firmly argue that young adults will be excellent leaders.
Since to
Correct word choice
To
show examples
 get a high rank in any sector, age is
thought
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a requirement
that is
Linking Words
 overlooked by your background assessment. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain that entailed age is unnecessary for any area, as
this
Linking Words
 has to give a chance to more young adults as executive members, they could improve the work by adding their unprecedented creativity.
Firstly
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
 have been thought of as good leaders without any doubt since the beginning of history. Since
this
Linking Words
 is an outdated idea in common belief, in today’s world, it
leads
Verb problem
apply
show examples
causes inevitable problems because they have a big enthusiasm to resolve them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they swiftly focus on unpredictable and vague problems
then
Linking Words
 they can quickly adapt to an abrupt change.
For example
Linking Words
, a well-known social media platform was established by a young entrepreneur who was just
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in their 20s. It is shown that a decision can be
undertaken
Verb problem
made
show examples
 by young adults.
However
Linking Words
, there is a common belief in the community that
people
Use synonyms
's minds can gain a good vision when
it has
Verb problem
they
show examples
aged
Wrong verb form
age
show examples
. Most big organization choose their leaders from the old generation. They think that they have a glamorous experience which contributes to the running of the company.
For instance
Linking Words
, chief executive officers always are in their 50s.
In addition
Linking Words
, their employees can respect their backgrounds.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, sometimes lack of knowledge in their lives is a main contributing factor that they cannot look widely. In conclusion, undertaking responsibility in a huge company is a hard decision for both employer and employee. There is a thin line between choosing and undertaking. I think that if a company just focus on
people
Use synonyms
 skills, it can
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 much more potential than what they want.
Submitted by ibrahimccet on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement to ensure coherent and organized presentation of ideas. Each paragraph should contribute to the overall flow and development of the argument.
task achievement
The essay lacks a clear and comprehensive response to the question provided. The argument is not fully developed and specific examples are lacking. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall development of the main idea and provides relevant examples to support the argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: