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Band 5

IMPROVEMENTS IN HEALTH, EDUCATION AND TRADE ARE ESSENTIAL FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF POORER NATIONS. HOWEVER,THE GOVERNMENTS OF RICHER NATIONS SHOULD TAKE MORE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HELPING THE POORER NATIONS IN SUCH AREAS. DO you agree or disagree with opinion?

#improvements #health #education #trade #development #nations #governments #responsibility #areas
Development in health , education and commerce are indispensable for the development of poor
nations
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the governments of richer
nations
 should take more responsibility to support the poorer
nations
 in
such
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
. I agree with
this
 idea because poorer
nations
 need
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 rather than rich
nations
.
Firstly
, Rich
nations
 have got more opportunities than poorer
nations
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 they should help them. They can not take equal responsibility because poorer
nations
 can not send a
lot
 of
money
 to other
nations
. Extensive research conducted by CNBC revealed that rich
nations
 should send a
lot
 of
money
 to poorer
nations
. İt is a very sensible idea because rich
nations
 are already rich. Poorer
nations
 are miserable. They need immediately
fund
Correct subject-verb agreement
funds
show examples
if other
nations
 help them they will grow and reach
peak
Correct pronoun usage
their peak
show examples
.
For example
,
Luxembourg
Correct article usage
the Luxembourg
show examples
 community are one of the wealthies community in the world.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
Bulgaria
 community are very miserable they have got a
lot
 of issues. İf Luxembourg should fund
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Bulgaria
 ,
Bulgaria
 will improve
sources
Correct pronoun usage
its sources
show examples
 and purchasing power. İt will make a really close connection between
Bulgaria
 and Luxembourg.
Secondly
, donating
money
 to Poorer
nations
 is very important behaviour. İt will make a peace in the world. Rich
nations
 must
be take
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 enormous responsibility to do that. A study carried out by Cambridge University showed that people
rich
Change preposition
in rich
show examples
nations
 should be generous and well-mannered.
Money
 will increase if they donate to other
nations
. İf rich
nations
 give
money
 to poorer
nations
, poorer
nations
 would be very cheerful. solidarity is very sensible because
nations
 have to be
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 with other
nations
. İn my opinion rich
nations
 must help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
nations
 for improvement. Rich
nations
 are very powerful
therefore
 they can make
Correct article usage
an affort
show examples
affort
Correct your spelling
effort
 to help other
nations
. Rİch
nations
 must
sensitive
Add a missing verb
be sensitive
show examples
 and make
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 empathy
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other regions. If they made they would understand and help them. To conclude, poorer
nations
 can not help rich
nations
 but rich
nations
 can donate a
lot
 of
money
 to poorer
nations
. Rich
nations
 must help them and both of them will improve.
Submitted by brsson06 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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