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Band 3.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more diadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #diadvantages
Nowadays, a lot of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
Add a missing verb
are imployed
show examples
Correct your spelling
employed
show examples
imployed
Correct your spelling
employed
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 lengthy hours without a break. They spend a lot of
time
 working and don't have enough
time
 to rest.
As a result
, they feel weak, and later
this
 condition leads to bad consequences. On the one hand, As far as I am concerned it's good to
work
 hard. Because the more a
person
 works, the more he seeks, the better he is spiritually and culturally. Everything is about
money
 these days.
Therefore
, the more
money
 adolescent earns, the better for
Correct your spelling
themselves
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
On the other hand
, it is wrong for a
person
 to help a lot, it is true that a
person
 who works hard will have more
money
, but a
person
 should rest on
time
. Because if the mind is not rested,
then
 it will lead to bad consequences. A
person
 who is tired at
work
 cannot spend
time
 with his family. It is
also
 possible to become unfit for
work
 after years.
That is
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
, It seems to me that it's good to
work
 and rest on
time
 In conclusion, from my point of view, everyone should be able to relax
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own
time
. Apart from
this
, he will choose the right path for the future. But people
also
 need
money
 and
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
therefore
, we must take both into consideration. Only
then
 will it be good for us.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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