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Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more diadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #diadvantages
These days, numerous individuals expend more and more
time
 at their
employed
Replace the word
employment
show examples
 and lesser
time
 for chill out. From my point of view, it has more cons than pros but
also
 has disadvantages. In
this
 essay, I will examine both positives and
negatives
Change the noun form
negative
show examples
conversation
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. There are a number of significant benefits of
this
 is to improve the family budget . Take an example the more someone
earn
Change the verb form
earns
show examples
, it will provide enough profit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the family
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
.
In addition
 to
this
Add a comma
,
show examples
it
also
 benefits the state budget. Another
advantages
Replace the adjective
advantage
show examples
 is that
this
 gives great boons
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development of the nation .
For instance
: if the number of entrepreneurs in the country increases , it will help to enlarge the development of the republic . It will be of great merit to
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 and its people. Turning to the other side of the argument a person who spends more
time
 at the work expends less
time
 with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
show examples
 family ,
as a result
. Take
for example
 a person at work
rarely
Correct pronoun usage
who rarely
show examples
 communicate with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
show examples
 family and cannot participate in various family event . It leads to estrangement from own family ,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result, it leads to forgetting the manners of communication. Another major
disadvantages
Replace the adjective
disadvantage
show examples
 is it causes great
demage
Correct your spelling
damage
 to human health , taking fatigue
dou
Correct your spelling
due
 to overwork , lack
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 sleep, stress and various other diseases as an example . In conclusion, having weighed everything mentioned up I can come to a conclusion that working too much is detrimental to people's health
besides
 that prevents them from expending
time
 with their
relative
Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
show examples
 which reduces communication.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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