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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all schools subjects .But other Believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are best at or they find the most interest .Discuss both views and give an opinion.

#people #teenagers #schools #subjects #focus #interest
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There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether students should learn every presented subject in
school
Use synonyms
 or
it
Correct word choice
whether it
show examples
 is better to let them focus only on those lessons they are excited about. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I am going to present both views and give my opinion. Some people tend to think that it is better to concentrate on
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of subjects because of the importance
being
Change preposition
of being
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 educated. One of the
first
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 problems is that most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
of
Change preposition
at
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young
Add an article
a young
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 age are not prepared for difficulties in
school
Use synonyms
 and
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tend to pick what is easy over what is difficult.
For example
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of students have chosen dance,
music
Correct word choice
and music
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 classes and without
hesitation
Add a comma
,hesitation
show examples
 as they grow older they won’t be able to lead speeches about history or politics, which will most definitely make them uninteresting to talk to. Another problem that needs to be considered is that
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
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 bodies are hormone unstable,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes pupils hard-decisive and compulsive. They may not be able to make a decision wisely and will regret when
get
Change the verb form
getting
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 older that haven’t chosen alternative subjects. It is obvious that it is more likely to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 job of any kind in the future if you have tried
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of topics.
However
Linking Words
, people are all diverse, some things they tend to comprehend better than others,
focusing
Correct word choice
and focusing
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 people on their shortcomings or gaps doesn’t enable learning. It impairs it. Getting attention to our strengths catalyzes learning, whereas attention to our weaknesses smothers it.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
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 did not come easy to famous singer Elvis Presley,
although
Linking Words
 his true passion was music, at
Use synonyms
school
Add a comma
,school
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 he was even declared
as
Correct your spelling
an
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untalented
Add an article
an untalented
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 musician
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 until he participated in
talent
Add an article
a talent
the talent
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 show and got recognised. To conclude, I consider learning all schools subjects is a necessity, because it gives a larger spectrum of possibilities, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it would be nicer to put less pressure on those teenagers who don’t succeed in some of the lessons, that balance would lead to harmony between education and talent.
Submitted by oimigle on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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