IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Should young people follow the older people’s examples or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. Discuss both the views and give your .

#people #people’s #it’s #challenge #thoughts
As we all know,
elders
 are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crucial part of our society and they provide us
numerous
Change preposition
with numerous
show examples
 suggestions and views in our daily life and teach us life lessons. Some individuals believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we should follow the guidelines of our
elders
, whilst others oppose that we should find our own ways. In my view, it is beneficial for a peer to set his own paths according to his desires, and I will provide
supportive
Add an article
a supportive
show examples
 explanation
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 statement in the
further
 paragraphs.
Firstly
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that following suggestions from their seniors is good for them because they have more experience in life than us and,
additionally
 they
understands
Change the verb form
understand
show examples
 our feelings much better as they have more knowledge,
also
, they know what is best for us and that they would always wish best
gor
Correct your spelling
for
 us and guide us with
infotmative
Correct your spelling
informative
information
 thoughts.
Secondly
, some individuals believe the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we should follow our heart and should not take
Correct your spelling
advice
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 from our
Correct your spelling
elders
olders
Correct your spelling
older
 because they are not familiar with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern world issues.
For example
, a recent report by BLC news showed that depression and anxiety rates are the highest in
this
 era, as compared to
Correct article usage
the 1980's
show examples
1980's
Fix apostrophe usage
1980s
show examples
, in
this
 situation, our
elders
 can not advise us as, they haven't dealt with conditions like
this
.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 example is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 technology has grown to peak levels, which
also
 has implemented many problems for youngsters and only they know, how to survive in
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of situations. According to my opinion, youngsters should pay attention towards their ways of coping
problems
Change preposition
with problems
show examples
 as their
elders
 are not familiar with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern world issues.
Submitted by hk2192611 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: