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Band 4.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
In
this
 contemporary epoch, It is proclaimed by some people that
children
 should opt
group
Change preposition
for group
show examples
activities
 in their leisure time whereas others have differing
views
 that
instead
 of, juveniles should understand to keep themselves busy solitary. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views
holds
Change the verb form
hold
show examples
 their own significance,
this
 essay would discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views
 and deliver my opinion in a nutshell. To commence with, why
group
activities
 are advisable to teenagers
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
because they would able to explore themselves with varieties of ideas. To explain, any kind of
group
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 involves a bunch of people with different
views
, ideas and nature which eventually help them to expand their boundaries and think beyond the conventional domain.
Thus
, if
children
 inculcate
group
activities
 in their pastime
then
 it would benefit them in future endeavours.
For example
,
children
 who choose
group
activities
 are more confident and can able to present themselves out of the crowd, as proved in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent survey.
Hence
,
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 paragraph vividly illustrates the merits of inculcating
group
activities
 as
children
's pastime activity.
On the contrary
, keeping themselves busy on their own and
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 what activity they should involve in their free time would be a daunting task for
children
however
 definitely enhance their decision power. To elaborate, at that age,
children
 do not have
understanding
Add an article
an understanding
show examples
 of opting right thing for themselves so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
learning to choose is a skill which we all learn while growing up.
Thus
, if
children
motivated
Add a missing verb
are motivated
show examples
 to choose on their own
then
 they would develop the habit of selecting suitable
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 for themselves
although
 making mistakes is a part of learning and crucial for overall development.
Hence
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
above points explains the opposing view of the discussion. To recapitulate, motivating
children
 to participate in
group
activities
come
Fix the infinitive
to come
show examples
 across new ideas and
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to implement
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 their life easily, on the other side, doing all the things on
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 would be difficult
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenage
however
 makes them more stronger and confident. In my opinion,
group
activities
 are more beneficial as
children
 can get ample advantages and
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to grasp
easily
Correct pronoun usage
them easily
show examples
.
Submitted by bhattumang1 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
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