IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You recently bought a children’s toy online but when it arrived it was damaged. Write a letter to the manager of the toy shop. In your letter: describe what the problem with the toy is suggest how the damage may have happened say what you would like the manager to do

Dear Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my dissatisfaction regarding the purchase of a toy that I ordered online from your website, ToyCart, on 27th September. It was delivered on 10th October, and it was damaged. My order number is ABC1234. I purchased the Dancing and Singing
Doll
Use synonyms
 from your website. The packaging of the toy was entirely damaged
from
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on
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 one side of the box. The
doll
Use synonyms
 does not perform any features like Singing and dancing as mentioned in the description on the website. The remote of the
doll
Use synonyms
 is
also
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 completely broken.
Moreover
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, I tried changing the battery of the
doll
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 with a new one and started
manually
Correct pronoun usage
it manually
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,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 it did not work. I believe that the
doll
Use synonyms
 has some manufacturing
defect
Punctuation problem
defect,
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 as I did not see any damage on the
doll
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the remote might have been damaged during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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transit
Punctuation problem
transit,
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 as I did not see any fragile sticker on the box. I would like you to replace the
doll
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 as soon as possible
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 I have ordered the
doll
Use synonyms
 for my daughter's birthday.
Moreover
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, put the fragile sticker on the box so that it will be handled with care. I am hoping for a prompt response from you. You can contact me on call in
case
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phone
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of
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for
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 more
detail
Fix the agreement mistake
details
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. My number is 9990008880. Yours Faithfully, Name

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task response
Make the letter clear by using three parts: what is wrong, how it may have happened, and what you want. Your letter has all parts, but put each part in its own line or short paragraph.
coherence
Break the text into small parts. One idea per paragraph helps. Right now it is one long block. Try 2 or 3 small parts.
tone
Keep a polite tone and end with a friendly close. A short thank you or hope for a quick fix helps.
vocabulary
Use simple words. Short, easy words make the text easy to read and fit the task.
content
The letter shows the problem and what you want, and it gives the order number.
content
It has the date of delivery and the order number near the top.
style
It uses a formal start and end.

Structure your letter

A letter needs to be written using a proper format, including the following:

  • A greeting (Dear sir/madam, Dear John, Dear Mr. Smith)
  • The main body (consisting of paragraphs for each part of the letter)
  • A closing (Yours sincerely, Yours faithfully, Best wishes, Kind regards, Love)

When writing a letter as part of the IELTS General Training Writing Task 1, it is important to include the bullet points presented to you in the question.

All three bullet points need to be presented. And remember that some bullet points contain more than one element. So, make sure to watch for ‘and’ and plurals.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • damaged
  • replacement
  • refund
  • poor packaging
  • handling
  • transit
  • features
  • intended use
  • request
  • customer service
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