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Band 4.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
In the 21st century,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Governments around the world direct a huge amount of funds to art as well as public services.
Although
 I agree that spending money on public facilities is a priority, I do not agree that investment in
arts
 is a waste of money. Nowadays, many countries
in
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on
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different
Add an article
the different
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 continent have
a problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
problems
a problem
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 related to providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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essential services to their citizens,
such
 as Hospitals, schools and other facilities, which is necessary for living a better life,
for example
, In 2021,
Egypt
 had a growing population with dominating younger generations.
This
 would generally put increased pressure on the education system in the country.
also
Add a comma
,also
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 the
last
 statics shows that 2 out of 10 people in
Egypt
 are
non educated
Add a hyphen
non-educated
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 because of financial and social difficulties.
Therefore
, the Egyptian government make
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 strategic plan to increase the funds towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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education.
In
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On
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand,
arts
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art
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 an integral part of civilization in any nation, so
arts
 and heritage are very important for the continuity of any country.
For instance
, Egyptian art and Pharaonic heritage are deep and all the governments that ruled
Egypt
 spent a lot of money on these landmarks and took care of them in order to ensure their sustainability for the world to know.
in addition
, according to the Egyptian Ministry of Tourism, 70% of tourists come from all over the world to visit the pyramids and learn about the culture of art of various kinds in
Egypt
. All in all, there are a lot of benefits
of
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to
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 ensuring a large amount of investment goes into public services as
this
 influences the quality of life for people.
Also
,
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 contribute to the nation's greatness.Having said that, I agree that government should offer its financial assistance to both fields evenly.
Submitted by hamad.alturaif on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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