Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some people believe that it is
injustice
Add an article
an injustice

The noun phrase injustice seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to fix the
retirement
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

duration for everyone irrespective of the type of
occupation
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. They
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

think that certain staff deserves to get retirements as well as pension during their earliest
age
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay disagrees that
setting
Replace the word
sets

The word setting doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the benchmark for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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retirement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

without considering the
occupation
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

type would be unfair
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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everybody. There are few workers who
deserves
Change the verb form
deserve

The singular verb deserves does not appear to agree with the plural subject few workers. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to get retire and have pensions at an early
age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Occupations like teachers and government employees
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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need to work
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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above 65
age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to keep them fit and healthy because they are working in
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable

The noun phrase comfortable environment seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments

It seems that environment may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. There are certain workers like miners,traffic controller and manual labourers or construction contractors
they
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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spend their lives working in
a tiring and stressful environments
Correct the article-noun agreement
a tiring and stressful environment
tiring and stressful environments

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun environments in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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they
deserves
Change the verb form
deserve

It appears that the subject pronoun they and the verb deserves are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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an early
retirement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and pension. Setting the
retirement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

age
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

without regarding the
occupation
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

type would be unfair because there are people enjoying working in their older
age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

like teachers and other govt officials. For
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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lifestyle
Add a comma
,lifestyle

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase For healthy lifestyle. Consider adding a comma.

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people prefer to work more rather than take
retirement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and end up doing nothing at
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home

It seems that homes may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are hardworking employees like traffic wardens, coal mine diggers and manual labourers
they
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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work day and night putting their lives
in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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risk daily they
needs
Change the verb form
need

It appears that the subject pronoun they and the verb needs are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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to get
have
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb have appears to be unnecessary here.

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early pensions and retirements. To sum up,
retirement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should not be encouraged for every category of
occupation
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, it should continue beyond 65
age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for good health.
Similarly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many employees
Correct your spelling
whose
show examples
who's
Correct your spelling
whose

The word who's doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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lives are at risk daily
deserves
Correct subject-verb agreement
deserve

It seems that the verb deserves does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
to get retirements before 65
age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and show rewarded pensions.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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