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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
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A group of
people
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 think, studying or going to school or university has a significant effect on achieving success, while others believe that it is better to get
a work
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work
a job
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 straight in comparison with continuing a
career
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 in university. In my view, education has more impact on getting a position rather than employment straight after school and I will expose it, in the forthcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, with the improvement of countries, competition in getting jobs is increased among
people
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.
Due to
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The
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
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I mentioned, educated
people
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 have some positive points rather than others.
Firstly
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, most of the positions in companies need academic knowledge about it.
For example
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, when you want to be employed in the technology attitude, it is vital for them to have a related
degree
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 in computer science, or when you want to cure
people
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 in hospitals it is essential to have a
degree
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 in the medical field.
Secondly
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, competition in getting jobs(gaining a
career
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) is extended dramatically.
Consequently
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, having a
degree
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 is a very beneficial point to being hired by organizations.
For instance
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, a car manufacturing company chooses a studied person for their tasks in comparison with
Correct your spelling
a person
aperson
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a person
 who(
is
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apply
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illustrated in terms of getting access to some technological device) has not studied.
On the other hand
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, getting a straight job after school has some benefits.(being directly employed)
Firstly
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, you can gain profit and money earlier when you start to work faster than someone who studies.
As a result
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, independence is more available in the
first
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 stages of life.
Secondly
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, it is important to learn basic(fundamental)subjects in universities.
However
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, most of them are impractical in real life and
career
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 and we cannot use them in efficient ways. So, experience is more practical. In conclusion,
although
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(remarking
career
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) getting work straight has some benefits
such
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 as being independent earlier or gaining more experience in the
first
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 steps of a
career
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, the vital role of educating and having a
degree
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 cannot be ignored. So in way of my thinking, with education, we have more chances to find an appropriate job and achieve our goals.
Submitted by parsafatahi1998 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
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