Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school

A group of

people

think, studying or going to school or university has a significant effect on achieving success, while others believe that it is better to get

a work

Remove the article

work

a job

show examples

straight in comparison with continuing a

career

in university. In my view, education has more impact on getting a position rather than employment straight after school and I will expose it, in the forthcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, with the improvement of countries, competition in getting jobs is increased among

people

Due to

Change preposition

The

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fact

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

I mentioned, educated

people

have some positive points rather than others.

Firstly

, most of the positions in companies need academic knowledge about it.

For example

, when you want to be employed in the technology attitude, it is vital for them to have a related

degree

in computer science, or when you want to cure

people

in hospitals it is essential to have a

degree

in the medical field.

Secondly

, competition in getting jobs(gaining a

career

) is extended dramatically.

Consequently

, having a

degree

is a very beneficial point to being hired by organizations.

For instance

, a car manufacturing company chooses a studied person for their tasks in comparison with

Correct your spelling

a person

aperson

Correct your spelling

a person

who(

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

illustrated in terms of getting access to some technological device) has not studied.

On the other hand

, getting a straight job after school has some benefits.(being directly employed)

Firstly

, you can gain profit and money earlier when you start to work faster than someone who studies.

As a result

, independence is more available in the

first

stages of life.

Secondly

, it is important to learn basic(fundamental)subjects in universities.

However

, most of them are impractical in real life and

career

and we cannot use them in efficient ways. So, experience is more practical. In conclusion,

although

(remarking

career

) getting work straight has some benefits

such

as being independent earlier or gaining more experience in the

first

steps of a

career

, the vital role of educating and having a

degree

cannot be ignored. So in way of my thinking, with education, we have more chances to find an appropriate job and achieve our goals.

Submitted by parsafatahi1998 on Thu Oct 13 2022

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for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

348 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Academic qualifications
Specialized skills
In-depth knowledge
Personal growth
Social development
Practical experience
Financial independence
Career progression
Professional networking
Education
Work experience
Successful career
Personal interests
Career goals
Decision-making process

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