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Band 4.5

COMPLETING UNIVERSITY IS THOUGHT BY SOMEONE TO BE THE BEST WAY TO GET A GOOD JOB. ON THE OTHER HAND, OTHER PEOPLE THINK THAT GETTING EXPERIENCE AND DEVELOPING SOFT SKILLS IS MORE IMPORTANT. DISCUSS BOTH SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

#university #someone #job #hand #people #skills
Some
people
 believed
finish
Replace the word
finishing
show examples
university
 will be the best way to get a better
job
.
However
,
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society think is better to have many
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 of experience at
work
 and develop during
this
 time
people
skills
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay will see both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 in depth. In my opinion
Add a comma
,
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 experience and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
good
people
skills
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more important than a degree.
Firstly
, some part of the population
find
Change the verb form
finds
show examples
Add the particle
to get
show examples
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 a degree will give
status
Correct pronoun usage
them status
show examples
 and
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be more competent to do
a good
Remove the article
good work
a good job
show examples
work
.
Study
Wrong verb form
Studying
show examples
 in
university
 you have different
paper
Fix the agreement mistake
papers
show examples
 and you are often under pressure to have good grades because some students think in the future they will have wider opportunities.
For example
 in
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
, education systems are divided by how faster
people
 learn and with that will be the
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 opportunities.
Moreover
, in there the faster learner goes to
university
Correct your spelling
instead
instaed
Correct your spelling
instead
 the slower learner
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
jobs
such
 as hospitality. I think
work
 should be available for
high skill
Add a hyphen
high-skill
show examples
jobs
 and lower
skills
jobs
 which need to be
Correct your spelling
seen
show examples
seem
Correct your spelling
seen
show examples
 with the same value for our society.
Secondly
, when you are in the same
job
 for several years you gain expertise and increase soft
skills
 because you are dealing with different situations every day.
For instance
, a
Correct your spelling
research
reseach
Correct your spelling
research
 in a prestigious
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
shows, when you are several years in
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 are less likely to make mistake and you gain better communication between colleagues.In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 is important the year you spend in a company because
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 you more competent in your
job
. To conclude, they are different views regarding
work
. One of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
them said you have to go to
university
 to get better opportunities in life.
On the other hand
, others
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 you need
gain
Fix the infinitive
to gain
show examples
 practice at
work
 and develop some soft
skills
 to succeed. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 we discussed why some
people
 think
university
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 you status and as well experience plays a huge role to have good performance at
work
.
Submitted by usoncata on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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