IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the Olympic Games is an exciting event and can bring nations together. Others, however, think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #olympic #games #event #nations #waste #money
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Few
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the Olympics Game is an important event and
also
Linking Words
 make Unity in the nation.
Although
Linking Words
, Some of them
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that it just throw of
money
Use synonyms
 into the trash.In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
Im
Correct your spelling
I'm
I
 completely
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement that it is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 only thing which
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 a strong bond in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay
ought
Add the word
toought
show examples
Correct your spelling
discuss
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
side and give your personal point of view.
to begin
Linking Words
 with, there are
Correct your spelling
several
sereral
Correct your spelling
several
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
Such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
in
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 cup can make
people
Use synonyms
 together in the sense of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 spend much of the time together while watching
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 world cup.
In other words
Linking Words
, Some believe that many games in their
people
Use synonyms
 love to watch so that simple they can sit together and watch that games.
For instance
Linking Words
, Whenever Pakistan matching is coming live on television so
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world put
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 and together and discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the factor and figures.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I would like to highlight one more reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of having
this
Linking Words
 type of
events
Fix the agreement mistake
event
show examples
.
Such
Linking Words
 as many Relative
plan
Change to a plural noun
plans
show examples
 together to watch
that events
Change the determiner
that event
those events
show examples
 so
Correct your spelling
that's
that
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
show examples
 just a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 meeting as well.
For example
Linking Words
, My family call all the relative at our house to watch
match
Add an article
the match
a match
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
together.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it is just
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
. due to the
inflation
Add a comma
,inflation
show examples
 they
also
Linking Words
 give that
money
Use synonyms
 to the poor and needy
people
Use synonyms
 as well.
In other words
Linking Words
,
Immaturity
Correct article usage
the Immaturity
show examples
 of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to put that much on just a simple game. To illustrate, In
Pakistan
Add a comma
,Pakistan
show examples
 all
people
Use synonyms
 are
affective
Replace the word
affected
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 floods so it isn't necessary to take part in
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
 games because they can
also
Linking Words
 give that
money
Use synonyms
 to the
floods
Change the noun form
flood
show examples
 victims.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I would like to outline one more point that
people
Use synonyms
 argue most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about that. Wasting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 they
also
Linking Words
 put that
money
Use synonyms
 into the Education department for
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, In
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 75 %
Correct your spelling
children
Change preposition
of childrens
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 can't take
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
show examples
 education system. To sum up, the vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that gaming events are important for
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 to create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better bonding. due to
people
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 most
Change preposition
of the
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time with families and
also
Linking Words
 relative to
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 and put
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 everywhere.
Submitted by aahil922 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promoting peace
  • unity
  • sportsmanship
  • global stage
  • mutual respect
  • understanding
  • boosts the economy
  • host city
  • tourism
  • infrastructure development
  • global media exposure
  • financial burden
  • ROI (Return on Investment)
  • debt
  • pressing social issues
  • poverty
  • education
  • healthcare
  • legacy
  • long-term health benefits
  • white elephants
  • expensive stadiums
  • facilities
  • post-Games
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