Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today
with
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in
show examples
the developing world majority of the
children
around the globe tend to interact with internet
games
or social media
games
. Half of the
Correct your spelling
mankind
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man kind
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mankind
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believes that playing
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
provides more benefits for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters than engaging in electronic
games
. From my
perspective
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,perspective
show examples
I am convinced by the former idea and I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
statement
statment
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statement
. I will outline the main points for my agreement in the
ensuring
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ensuing
show examples
paragraphs.
To commence
Fix the infinitive
Commence
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with
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apply
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, outdoor recreations are advantageous for
children
under
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for
show examples
two main reasons.
Firstly
it improves the physical fitness of the younger generation and develops their limbs and borns. As an example, when I was in Sri Lanka my
next door
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next-door
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neighbour's child was strong and
well built
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well-built
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because every day at school he was participating in
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extracurricular
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extra curricular
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extracurricular
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activities which
is
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are
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connected to different types of sports.
Besides
physical development, outdoor entertainments build social interaction with other peers and
children
enhance their communication
skills
as well as
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, as well as children,
show examples
children
develop their own communities.
On the other hand
, even though playing computer
games
,
broaden
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broadens
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a
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child's
childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
brain in various aspects,
such
as
problem solving
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problem-solving
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skills
and thinking
skills
, it
also
make
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makes
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an individual weak
from
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in
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their own body. According to a survey conducted in Sri Lanka, 75% of Sri Lankan
children
are suffering from diseases
such
as high obesity and diabetes, because these
children
were entertaining themselves
by
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with
show examples
the use of various devices. To sum up, I believe that
children
should spend their time playing
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
rather than sticking their hands and eyes on a computer or any other device because it will lead them
for
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to
show examples
a healthy lifestyle and develop social
skills
.
Submitted by wathsala.lekamge1997 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health
  • Coordination
  • Foster
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity
  • Exploration
  • Strategic thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Social isolation
  • Moderation
  • Balanced approach
  • Detract
  • Obesity
  • Poor posture
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