Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Today
with
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in
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the developing world majority of the
children
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around the globe tend to interact with internet
games
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or social media
games
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. Half of the
Correct your spelling
mankind
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man kind
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mankind
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believes that playing
outdoor
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outdoors
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provides more benefits for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters than engaging in electronic
games
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. From my
perspective
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,perspective
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I am convinced by the former idea and I agree
to
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with
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that
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statement
statment
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statement
. I will outline the main points for my agreement in the
ensuring
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ensuing
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paragraphs.
To commence
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Commence
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with
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apply
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, outdoor recreations are advantageous for
children
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under
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for
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two main reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
it improves the physical fitness of the younger generation and develops their limbs and borns. As an example, when I was in Sri Lanka my
Linking Words
next door
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next-door
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neighbour's child was strong and
well built
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well-built
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because every day at school he was participating in
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extracurricular
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extra curricular
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extracurricular
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activities which
is
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are
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connected to different types of sports.
Besides
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physical development, outdoor entertainments build social interaction with other peers and
children
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enhance their communication
skills
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as well as
Add the comma(s)
, as well as children,
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children
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develop their own communities.
On the other hand
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, even though playing computer
games
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,
broaden
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broadens
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a
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child's
childs
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child's
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brain in various aspects,
such
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as
problem solving
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problem-solving
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skills
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and thinking
skills
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, it
also
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make
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makes
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an individual weak
from
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in
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their own body. According to a survey conducted in Sri Lanka, 75% of Sri Lankan
children
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are suffering from diseases
such
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as high obesity and diabetes, because these
children
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were entertaining themselves
by
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with
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the use of various devices. To sum up, I believe that
children
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should spend their time playing
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
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rather than sticking their hands and eyes on a computer or any other device because it will lead them
for
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to
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a healthy lifestyle and develop social
skills
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.
Submitted by wathsala.lekamge1997 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health
  • Coordination
  • Foster
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity
  • Exploration
  • Strategic thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Social isolation
  • Moderation
  • Balanced approach
  • Detract
  • Obesity
  • Poor posture
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