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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Reading books is better for children than watching telivision and spending their time playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree.R

Reading
books
Use synonyms
 is
basic
Add an article
a basic
the basic
show examples
 way of
learning
Add an article
the learning
show examples
 process and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brain
Use synonyms
 skill in
children
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, watching
television
Use synonyms
 and playing
computer
Use synonyms
 games are improving the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
brain
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 the different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of skills but I
Correct your spelling
strongly
stronly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 agree that reading book is very helpful to improve
Use synonyms
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
 in
children
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
 of all, I believe that reading
books
Use synonyms
 is improving the thinking process in
children
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as,
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading
books
Use synonyms
 improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
critical thinking which will help in school and university assignments.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
reading
Change preposition
by reading
show examples
 stories
Use synonyms
books
Correct word choice
and books
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 will get improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brain
Use synonyms
 function and
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
 and
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 memory
function
Fix the agreement mistake
functions
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, watching
Television
Use synonyms
 and playing
computer
Use synonyms
 games is going to boost in all over
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 spending
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more time in
these activity
Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
show examples
 rather than their studies.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are addicted to watching
television
Use synonyms
 and playing
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of games
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 PUBG,
is
Correct pronoun usage
which is
show examples
 a very famous game
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world and
children
Use synonyms
 are very
retreted
Correct your spelling
retreated
restricted
 with
this
Linking Words
 game. Unfortunately,
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 behaviour is going to dishearted to parents and education and even some of
Use synonyms
children
Add an article
the children
show examples
 lost their eyes
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 vision. The main cause of lost eye
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 vision
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 they are using
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and
television
Use synonyms
 without any break and without any normal distance.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Morevoer
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
Children
Use synonyms
 are not giving full attention to their studies and
that is
Linking Words
 the reason they lose their grades. Watching
television
Use synonyms
 and playing
computer
Use synonyms
 is a kind of skill to improve their memory but spending
Correct your spelling
more
mre
Correct your spelling
more
 time is kind of
Correct your spelling
dangerous
dangrous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 for their health. I agree that reading book
is play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important role to improve and maintain
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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