IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

fewer and fewer young people are choosing to become a teacher. Why do young people do not want to become teachers? How could this be changed?

#people #teacher #teachers #be
It is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 nowadays the count of university graduates who desires to become an educator is rapidly declining.
This
 essay will discuss the basic reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it and
then
 describe the possible improvements of choosing
this
 profession.
Firstly
,
this
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
 contains
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
show examples
 of
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 wages than others.
Therefore
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
, especially young people avoid
this
 work due to inefficiency.
Secondly
, qualification like teaching requires much more patience,
besides
 answerability.
Furthermore
,
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation's young participants prefer various and
vary
Wrong verb form
varied
show examples
 professions rather than
to become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
 a teacher because teaching someone, specifically kids and teenagers embraces wider challenges. Fortunately, some,
however
,
few
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
ways are available for providing the solution.
First
 of all, governments ought to raise the salary of
Add an article
the pedagogue
a pedagogue
show examples
pedagogue
Fix the agreement mistake
pedagogues
show examples
,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 these wages have to depend on teachers' abilities and enthusiasm. Increasing the wage while considering these advantages, youngers will be brave for choosing
teaching
Change the verb form
to teach
show examples
.
In addition
, universities should offer
high range
Add a hyphen
high-range
show examples
 scholarships for that trade,
besides
Change preposition
apply
show examples
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
accounting for
huge
Add an article
the huge
a huge
show examples
 value of
this
 job. To summarize, even though
senior
Add an article
the senior
a senior
show examples
 percentage of young people are ignoring
educator
Correct article usage
the educator
show examples
 profession for some disadvantages, it is possible to solve
this
 issue through
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several encouraging and inspiring ways.
Submitted by nubar_hasannzada on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: