IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an idea that it said
punishment
Use synonyms
 helps
children
Use synonyms
 to recognize what is
right
Use synonyms
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
 should do, and what is wrong, and
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
 should prevent themselves to do. I would argue that
although
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 should learn about wrong and
right
Use synonyms
 things when they are young,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I think
Use synonyms
punishment
Add an article
the punishment
show examples
 is not the proper way to help them to find the differences. In
this
Linking Words
 century, we have significant
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
 in pedagogy methods. It is not like
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
 centuries that
punishment
Use synonyms
 was the only way to educate
children
Use synonyms
 that what is
right
Use synonyms
 or wrong. We should not restrict our teaching choices to negative methods; because they have remarkable consequences
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation. Parents and institutions should try to show kids
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why something is wrong or
right
Use synonyms
 clearly with touchable examples to help them to select their choices. Adults and teaching
Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 can use
encourage
Replace the word
encouragement
show examples
Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 for their strategy, which can have positive effects on
children
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
punishment
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
punishment
Use synonyms
 has various negative consequences on young
children
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
 of all, adolescents
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 their
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
. They become frightened and they can not select the
right
Use synonyms
 decision, because they think it might be wrong and they would punish again.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
punishment
Correct article usage
the punishment
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 makes
children
Use synonyms
 anxious and angry. Adolescents become nervous about their choices, and
also
Linking Words
 become aggressive; because they do not know what should they do to
Correct your spelling
escape
show examples
scape
Correct your spelling
escape
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 pedagogy approach, reproduce the anger
system
Use synonyms
 and does not help young
children
Use synonyms
 to select
Use synonyms
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 ways.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
punishment
Correct article usage
the punishment
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 has worse effects on the relationship between the
children
Use synonyms
 and the punisher; after
punish
Replace the word
punishment
show examples
, that child cannot rely on that person and
this
Linking Words
 is
disaster
Add an article
a disaster
the disaster
show examples
 at that age. In conclusion, I believe that in today’s society, we have many positive methods for teaching the
right
Use synonyms
 way to our
children
Use synonyms
; and
punishment
Use synonyms
 is not
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
best choice.
Submitted by naderiazin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: