IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
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In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 times everyone has access to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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Tv , series, movies or
Correct your spelling
videogames
video games
vidiogames
Correct your spelling
video games
 that have
violence
Use synonyms
 as
main
Add an article
the main
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 content. The constant and increasing
violence
Use synonyms
 in society is
worriying
Correct your spelling
worrying
 and there is the argument that the
violence
Use synonyms
 on the different platforms in social media is the cause of
this
Linking Words
. In
Linking Words
first
Add an article
the first
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 place, I think that the people who are violent have their own reasons
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
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therefore
Linking Words
 is better to know
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 reasons and make solutions basing us on that,
for instance
Linking Words
 on their education, intentions,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
background and their life in general. Moving on,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Tv and computer games with
Use synonyms
violence
Replace the word
violent
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 content
restric
Correct your spelling
restrict
 the person
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
Correct your spelling
getting
gettin
Correct your spelling
getting
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in that activities,
for example
Linking Words
 in a computer game you are the one who is doing all the actions and you can have a realistic experience so you can learn what is bad and good in any situation.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
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besides
Linking Words
 all the bad allegations
to
Change preposition
of
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 violent content on Tv or video
games
Add a comma
,games
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Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 not the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
violence
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society taking everything into consideration there is no substantial influence on people being violent we have to know all the background of the situation.
Submitted by ismael.222sr on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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