Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour

Why

games

should be considered dangerous? Most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

adult

Add an article

the adult

show examples

people

are those who are against computer

games

or violence on television, in spite of young

people

are

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

used to

this

type of technology,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

not all is good.

First

, starting with

that

Change the determiner

that adult

those adults

show examples

adults

used to play in a different way,

comparing

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

with us, two decades ago there are no cellphones, even around 80's started appearing the

first

televisions, that's why

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adults

used to play traditional

games

Correct quantifier usage

such as

show examples

marbles, with the "trompo" and they played hide and seek. So, when things advanced fast they couldn't understand many things, but they tried to adapt themselves, there's the problem

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since

Correct word choice

that

show examples

young

people

understand changes faster than

adults

Furthermore

, companies, which develop apps or programs, took advantage of the situation advancing faster than

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

past years, until appeared the smartphone, with a touch screen, in order to

games

and programs

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more possibilities talking about

generate

Change the verb form

generating

show examples

more interactive

games

. That's how young

people

were hooked and started the discussion, due to parents controlled more

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

and

saw

Wrong verb form

seeing

show examples

the type of

games

that they play, In conclusion, the game

don't

Change the verb form

doesn't

show examples

define

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

or young man

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

, because as we are humans we know how

difference

Replace the word

different

show examples

reality from virtual

games

and

also

we can think

what

Change preposition

about what

show examples

is correct or incorrect, so

adults

emphasize when some children have mental problems thinking that the game was the reason, but that's not true.

Submitted by ismael.222sr on Tue Oct 25 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

236 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people are born to be a leadership others believe that leadership can be learned. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Every people born with the ability that accompanies them to survive in this life. So many skills could be developed such as interpersonal skills, negotiation skills, and important one is leadership skills. Basically, as a leader, we must realize that we have an undirectly responsibility to led our people to become good people. Hence, if there is any person who has faith as a leader it means they have a potential personality that is suit for a leader's criteria.
5
band
A magazine asked its readers to send in stories about a time they had a problem when travelling. Write about a journey where you had a problem to send to the magazine
During the term break, when I was studying Bachelor Degree in University, my friends from the faculty of Architecture and I decided to go to Phu Kradueng for the first time. It was the sudden decision to participate the group since I heard that it is the place where I would go once in a lifetime. Phu Kradueng is very welknown by the stunning sceneries amongst the teenagers and university students.
7.5
band
Some people think the developments of technology make people's life more complex, so we should make life simpler without using technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Technology has revolutionised our lives. Whereas, some people argue that instead of making lives easy, technology has made human lives difficult. In my opinion, technology has positively impacted our lives in more ways than can be imagined but at the same time it has some drawbacks as well.
6
band
Many people sayt that we now live in ,,consumers societiesʼʼ where money and possessions are given to much importance. To what extent do you agree or diagree
In the contemporary era, there is an ongoing debate about whether money and position get the maximum priority or not. I strongly believe that consumerism results in a classification between rich and poor on the basis of possessions and power.
8
band
some say that music is as important as other subjects in school to promote learning in children life . do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.
It is often argued that studying music in school provides plenty of positive impacts to pupils . While some people claim that it has no advantages and benefits in this method . In my opinion , I take the view that music education can be advantageous for children .

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people are born to be a leadership others believe that leadership can be learned. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A magazine asked its readers to send in stories about a time they had a problem when travelling. Write about a journey where you had a problem to send to the magazine

Some people think the developments of technology make people's life more complex, so we should make life simpler without using technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people sayt that we now live in ,,consumers societiesʼʼ where money and possessions are given to much importance. To what extent do you agree or diagree

some say that music is as important as other subjects in school to promote learning in children life . do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.