IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development
Technology is developing,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 number of
people
 using the internet and smartphones to
transfer
money
 to friends, family and businesses is
also
 increasing. In my opinion, I think
this
 is a large positive. Some
people
 think that transferring
money
 online is risky. When transferring
money
,
people
 will have to worry about the location and contact information being exposed.
This
 document will be able to be stolen by bad guys and used for illegitimate purposes. Especially the elderly and those who are not proficient in technology and are easily scammed.
For example
, nowadays, young
people
 tend to shop online because it is fast and convenient. They often
transfer
money
 in advance to the seller so that when the
goods
 are delivered they can save
time
 on receiving the
goods
 or if they are not at home, it will be easier to receive the
goods
.
However
, many bad guys take advantage of these issues to exchange
goods
 or steal information to do bad things.
On the other hand
, online transfers are convenient for the vast majority. In the past, when families wanted to
transfer
money
 to their children, they had to spend a lot of
time
 going to the bank and doing various paperwork to be able to
transfer
money
 to their children. Nowadays, the use of online
money
transfer
 services helps
people
 save a lot of
time
 going to the bank and receiving
money
 faster. Online transfers not only save
time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 allow for more flexible services. Users can
transfer
 funds to multiple parties, track their transactions, cancel them or request refunds. Especially the system will keep its own records easily. In conclusion, transferring
money
 online is a clearly beneficial technological advancement.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: