IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The use of military force is sometimes justifiable

#force
Since Russia attacked Ukraine, the world has been turned into a bad dream. Most nations look inside and try to protect themselves. The
war
 between the two
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 affects the relationship between China and Taiwan. Every nation tries to enforce
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
. I agree the
use
 of military
force
 is justifiable in these situations. The following paragraphs are shown to support my opinion. Before the recent
war
 happened, military
force
 in Japan has been devoted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stability
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
disaster
Add an article
the disaster
show examples
 happened. Actually,
Correct your spelling
it
itIt
Correct your spelling
it
 called itself
“
Correct article usage
the “defenseself-defense
show examples
Correct your spelling
defense self
defenseself-defense
Change the spelling
defenseself-defence
show examples
force
” in Japan.
This
 organization
Correct your spelling
sometimes
sSometimes
Correct your spelling
sometimes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brings
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and distributes them. Sometimes it finds missing parties in the mountains. It contributes to social safety.
Add a hyphen
Post-war
show examples
Post
Add a hyphen
Post-war
show examples
war
, not only Japan
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 all other countries have changed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the idea
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 the
use
 of military
force
 is necessary or not. Because
Correct your spelling
of
ofby
Correct your spelling
of
 the
war
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society was scared. Every country
trytries
Correct your spelling
try tries
 to prepare
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
war
 it may happen in the future while we hope not to
have
Correct pronoun usage
ithave
show examples
. Yes, we need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protection against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
war
. Justifiably, we need the
use
 of military
force
 in the case of
war
 we need the
use
 of military
force
. If we do not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
.
Therefore
, I agree the
use
 of
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
force
 or military
force
 is justifiable.
Submitted by shirubaifa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: