Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In business life, some people think that it would be beneficial if they
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
at the same
company
for their whole lives.
On the other hand
, some of those believe that working at different organizations would be better. Undoubtedly, both sides have many reasons to think in that way,
according to
my opinion, becoming an employee in various companies makes a person more healthy and social.
Firstly
, if there are many opportunities for career advancement,
one
organization provides limitless possibilities for the same employee in general.
For example
,
one
of my friends has been working at the same place for a long time and has already completed all
courses
Correct article usage
the courses
show examples
that the human sources arranged for him.
While
he asked for another, they unquestionably
accepted
Verb problem
agreed
show examples
to pay for more. Particularly, if he had changed his job, there would have been no chances for new ones.
This
is why so important not to change the
company
too often.
In contrast
, spending many hours at work would make socializing harder for staff. Indeed, recent surveys show that working in at least two different places is very helpful for employees being extraverted.
For instance
, my aunt
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
diagnosed with depression
last
year, and the doctor advised her to change her
company
if it was possible. The result was amazing and she has made so many friends to get
along with
unlike before.
Above all
support the idea that some people have.
Finally
, despite the different ideas about working at the same
company
, to my opinion, it would be better not to stay too much at the particular
one
, because of getting more healthy and having a lot of friends. Being a new
one
is always a good idea in every field.
Submitted by dctr_green_east on

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Task Response
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion. However, some points lack development and expansion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is mostly clear, but the introduction and conclusion need to be more comprehensive and the main points need to be thoroughly supported with relevant examples.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of vocabulary has been used, but there are some inaccuracies and lack of precision in the use of words and phrases.
Grammatical Range
While there is a reasonable control of grammar and sentence structures, there are errors in tense usage and sentence structure. More complex sentence structures could also be used for higher band score.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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