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Band 2.5

IN SOME PLACES, WORKERS ARE REQUIRED TO RETIRE AT A SPECIFIC AGE. IN OTHER PLACES, WORKERS CAN RETIRE WHEN THEY CHOOSE. IN YOUR OPINION, SHOULD THERE BE A MANDATORY RETIREMENT AGE FOR ALL WORKERS?

#places #workers #age #retirement
some should not
to
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apply
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retire
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 job in
stipulate
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the stipulate
show examples
 age. I believe
this
 is
desconfortable
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de comfortable
 and can cause very problems. The act of working is
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beneficial
benefits
benefit
beneficty
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beneficial
 for
the
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apply
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human. Others need to earn
of
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apply
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Money for
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 expenditure, while, others
necessary
Add a missing verb
are necessary
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for
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to
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 quality of the life.
Firstly
,
the
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apply
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work is important for
healthy
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the healthy
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,
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psychologic
physiologic
psicologic
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and psicologic
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, well-being of more
workers
. They need
interaging
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interacting
integrating
interesting
 with other
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colleagues
colleageus
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colleagues
,
enviroments
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environments
environment
 and solutions
problems
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to problems
show examples
of
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apply
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each day, show their experience and learned the
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young
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youngs
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young
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workers
 about things their experience.
Second
, before of retired
the
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apply
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peoples need
of
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apply
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money because they to buy more medicines and have
expenditure
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the expenditure
show examples
 biggest in their routine and your retiree
to
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apply
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stay is n’t sufficient for all expenses.
Thirstly
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Thirsty
Firstly
,
in
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on
show examples
 the other hand,
workers
 in their get stressed without routines and feel useless causing psychological problems
between
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among
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 others. How already said the Philosopher that” the work dignifies of men.”
Therethore
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Therefore
, the job make the men
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
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 útil and have a
puporse
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purpose
.
Finally
, every work is unique and have many
situation
Change to a plural noun
situations
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 in each one.
Condices
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Candice
Codices
 diferentes and situation that the
workers
 think or have necessary of retired in some
causes
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cases
show examples
, while, I believe that people should choose when is the best moment of retirement of yours
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
 and rest.
Therefore
,
i
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I
show examples
 think you shouldn't be old enough to retire.
Submitted by cidronia.buriti on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement age
  • progression
  • age discrimination
  • standardizing
  • workforce diversity
  • invaluable knowledge
  • expertise
  • motivated workforce
  • healthcare improvements
  • lifespans
  • physical demands
  • mental demands
  • justify
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