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Band 2.5

IN SOME PLACES, WORKERS ARE REQUIRED TO RETIRE AT A SPECIFIC AGE. IN OTHER PLACES, WORKERS CAN RETIRE WHEN THEY CHOOSE. IN YOUR OPINION, SHOULD THERE BE A MANDATORY RETIREMENT AGE FOR ALL WORKERS?

#places #workers #age #retirement
some should not
to
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apply
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retire
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 job in
stipulate
Correct article usage
the stipulate
show examples
 age. I believe
this
 is
desconfortable
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de comfortable
 and can cause very problems. The act of working is
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beneficial
benefits
benefit
beneficty
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beneficial
 for
the
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apply
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human. Others need to earn
of
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apply
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Money for
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 expenditure, while, others
necessary
Add a missing verb
are necessary
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 quality of the life.
Firstly
,
the
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apply
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work is important for
healthy
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the healthy
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,
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psychologic
physiologic
psicologic
Correct word choice
and psicologic
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, well-being of more
workers
. They need
interaging
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interacting
integrating
interesting
 with other
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colleagues
colleageus
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colleagues
,
enviroments
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environments
environment
 and solutions
problems
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to problems
show examples
of
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apply
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each day, show their experience and learned the
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young
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youngs
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young
show examples
workers
 about things their experience.
Second
, before of retired
the
Correct article usage
apply
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peoples need
of
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apply
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money because they to buy more medicines and have
expenditure
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the expenditure
show examples
 biggest in their routine and your retiree
to
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apply
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stay is n’t sufficient for all expenses.
Thirstly
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Thirsty
Firstly
,
in
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on
show examples
 the other hand,
workers
 in their get stressed without routines and feel useless causing psychological problems
between
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among
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 others. How already said the Philosopher that” the work dignifies of men.”
Therethore
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Therefore
, the job make the men
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 útil and have a
puporse
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purpose
.
Finally
, every work is unique and have many
situation
Change to a plural noun
situations
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 in each one.
Condices
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Candice
Codices
 diferentes and situation that the
workers
 think or have necessary of retired in some
causes
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cases
show examples
, while, I believe that people should choose when is the best moment of retirement of yours
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
 and rest.
Therefore
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think you shouldn't be old enough to retire.
Submitted by cidronia.buriti on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement age
  • progression
  • age discrimination
  • standardizing
  • workforce diversity
  • invaluable knowledge
  • expertise
  • motivated workforce
  • healthcare improvements
  • lifespans
  • physical demands
  • mental demands
  • justify
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