IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others, however, disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
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Dear Sir/Madam, I received an Email a few days back from our Human Resource
Team
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 related to
sharing
Correct article usage
the sharing
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 of personal
information
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 of all
employees
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. I want to share my views about the Pros and Cons of it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Following factors
such
Linking Words
 as Hobbies, Food Interests, Preferred locations, Single or married, Salary details etc.
Secondly
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, having personal
information
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such
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 as hobbies, preferred destinations to visit, food interests etc of
employees
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, facilitates the Management to organize an event either in the office premises or in any resorts for refreshments and to conduct any Sports events or open-air concerts with all
employees
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. Having
information
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 about Blood Group will be helpful in any emergency condition to react and get it done as fast as possible. When it comes to disadvantages, the Personal
Information
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 of an individual is not required to
know
Wrong verb form
be known
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 to everyone as some may misuse it in
otherways
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other ways
show examples
. Having
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
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 of
information
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 among the
team
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 is enough. Related to
Salary
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the Salary
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 of an employee, it is better not to disclose even with your
collegue
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colleague
colleagues
also
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 as it is indirectly responsible for
team
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co-ordination
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coordination
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while
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 performing daily activities. It impacts the
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team
Change noun form
team's
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 performance in the long run as well and allows us to create a kind of grudge among
employees
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. I want
to conclude
Linking Words
 that, having
information
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 about an individual
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 extent is enough, sometimes knowing more
also
Linking Words
 causes many problems and indirectly it affects our individual performance as well. So, my request to every employee is, Please do your work on
daily
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a daily
show examples
 basis and don't think about your
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
. Yours Sincerely, Niranjan Reddy K.
Submitted by niranjanreddy791 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
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