Government should focus their spending on public service rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a fact that
governments
are spending huge amounts of
money
for enhancing
Change preposition
to enhance
show examples
the arts and culture of a nation.
However
, authorities have to consider providing better facilities for public well-fare projects . I
am
Verb problem
apply
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partially
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
with
this
notion to a certain extent. The following paragraphs will explain the reasons. On the one hand, arts and culture are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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significant parts of a nation.
Moreover
, many
artists
life's
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' lives
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are dependent on the income they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
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from
governments
and the
audience
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audiences
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they perform their talents.
For example
, there are many painters who sat on the streets and painted magnificent images of nature. They earn
money
by selling it to the people. In fact, the amount they
received
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receive
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is not enough for their daily life, so
governments
' pensions and schemes are supportive of
such
fellow beings.
Furthermore
, some folks are working in the middle and trying to loot all the
money
from the government.
As a result
, the possibility of getting
money
for deserving
artists
is in pathetic condition.
On the other hand
,
governments
are always getting failure in
keeping
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keep
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their promises towards the public. There are myriad projects stuck in the middle of development.
For example
, the metro rail development initiated five years before in Haryana is still under the planning commission.
In addition
, well-developed infrastructures for roads and railways should be the primary concern for every government.
Although
spending
money
on
artists
and enriching traditions is better for the nation, infrastructure development for the public is the initial
to achieve
Wrong verb form
achievement
show examples
. In conclusion,
governments
should focus
to spend
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on spending
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money
on the public because they are elected by the people to serve them by providing better facilities.
Also
,
governments
have to follow trustworthy media to support vivid talented
artists
.
Submitted by dilin1212 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression. The transition between paragraphs could be smoother.
task achievement
Clarify some of the examples and ensure they directly enhance your argument. The example about artists on the streets could be linked more clearly to government funding.
task achievement
Provide more detailed evidence or explanation in some places to strengthen your argument. For instance, the example of metro rail development can be detailed with specific barriers and how they relate to public spending priorities.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and attempts to present a balanced view.
task achievement
The language used is mostly clear, with some strong points made about government responsibility and infrastructure development.
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