IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Government should focus their spending on public service rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #focus #service #arts #music
It is a fact that
governments
 are spending huge amounts of
money
for enhancing
Change preposition
to enhance
show examples
 the arts and culture of a nation.
However
, authorities have to consider providing better facilities for public well-fare projects . I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
partially
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
 notion to a certain extent. The following paragraphs will explain the reasons. On the one hand, arts and culture are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
significant parts of a nation.
Moreover
, many
artists
life's
Change noun form
' lives
show examples
 are dependent on the income they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 from
governments
 and the
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
 they perform their talents.
For example
, there are many painters who sat on the streets and painted magnificent images of nature. They earn
money
 by selling it to the people. In fact, the amount they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 is not enough for their daily life, so
governments
' pensions and schemes are supportive of
such
 fellow beings.
Furthermore
, some folks are working in the middle and trying to loot all the
money
 from the government.
As a result
, the possibility of getting
money
 for deserving
artists
 is in pathetic condition.
On the other hand
,
governments
 are always getting failure in
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 their promises towards the public. There are myriad projects stuck in the middle of development.
For example
, the metro rail development initiated five years before in Haryana is still under the planning commission.
In addition
, well-developed infrastructures for roads and railways should be the primary concern for every government.
Although
 spending
money
 on
artists
 and enriching traditions is better for the nation, infrastructure development for the public is the initial
to achieve
Wrong verb form
achievement
show examples
. In conclusion,
governments
 should focus
to spend
Change preposition
on spending
show examples
money
 on the public because they are elected by the people to serve them by providing better facilities.
Also
,
governments
 have to follow trustworthy media to support vivid talented
artists
.
Submitted by dilin1212 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression. The transition between paragraphs could be smoother.
task achievement
Clarify some of the examples and ensure they directly enhance your argument. The example about artists on the streets could be linked more clearly to government funding.
task achievement
Provide more detailed evidence or explanation in some places to strengthen your argument. For instance, the example of metro rail development can be detailed with specific barriers and how they relate to public spending priorities.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and attempts to present a balanced view.
task achievement
The language used is mostly clear, with some strong points made about government responsibility and infrastructure development.

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