Government should focus their spending on public service rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is a fact that
governments
are spending huge amounts of money
for enhancing
the arts and culture of a nation. Change preposition
to enhance
However
, authorities have to consider providing better facilities for public well-fare projects . I am
partially Verb problem
apply
agreed
with Wrong verb form
agree
this
notion to a certain extent. The following paragraphs will explain the reasons.
On the one hand, arts and culture are a
significant parts of a nation. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Moreover
, many artists
life's
are dependent on the income they Change noun form
' lives
received
from Wrong verb form
receive
governments
and the audience
they perform their talents. Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
For example
, there are many painters who sat on the streets and painted magnificent images of nature. They earn money
by selling it to the people. In fact, the amount they received
is not enough for their daily life, so Wrong verb form
receive
governments
' pensions and schemes are supportive of such
fellow beings. Furthermore
, some folks are working in the middle and trying to loot all the money
from the government. As a result
, the possibility of getting money
for deserving artists
is in pathetic condition.
On the other hand
, governments
are always getting failure in keeping
their promises towards the public. There are myriad projects stuck in the middle of development. Wrong verb form
keep
For example
, the metro rail development initiated five years before in Haryana is still under the planning commission. In addition
, well-developed infrastructures for roads and railways should be the primary concern for every government. Although
spending money
on artists
and enriching traditions is better for the nation, infrastructure development for the public is the initial to achieve
.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
achievement
governments
should focus to spend
Change preposition
on spending
money
on the public because they are elected by the people to serve them by providing better facilities. Also
, governments
have to follow trustworthy media to support vivid talented artists
.Submitted by dilin1212 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression. The transition between paragraphs could be smoother.
task achievement
Clarify some of the examples and ensure they directly enhance your argument. The example about artists on the streets could be linked more clearly to government funding.
task achievement
Provide more detailed evidence or explanation in some places to strengthen your argument. For instance, the example of metro rail development can be detailed with specific barriers and how they relate to public spending priorities.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and attempts to present a balanced view.
task achievement
The language used is mostly clear, with some strong points made about government responsibility and infrastructure development.