IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some places, workers are required to retire at a specific age. In other places, workers can retire when they choose. In your opinion, should there be a mandatory retirement age for all workers

#places #workers #age #retirement
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 should not retire from their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 at a stipulated age. I believe
this
Linking Words
 could be uncomfortable and (can) cause (very)many problems. The act of working is beneficial for humans. Others need to earn money for their expenses,
such
Linking Words
 as travelling and eating,
as well as
Linking Words
 they need to have more quality of life , and challenges and keep their routines every day.
Firstly
Linking Words
, working is important for
people
Use synonyms
’s health, psychological and physical,
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
well-being and (realization personals)personal realizations. They need to interact with other colleagues(,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
)in many environments and (solutions to)solve their problems each day, show their experience and (
learned
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
)teach the young employees about things with their experience.
Secondly
Linking Words
, retired
people
Use synonyms
 need money because they have to buy more medicines and have (the)a bigger expenditure (biggest) in their routine (and), so it is important to travel and know different
people
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 is relatively expensive (your retiree's stay isn’t sufficient for all expenses)to pay when retired.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, (labourers)workers (in their get)can get stressed without routines and they could feel useless causing psychological problems among others. Just
how
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 it was already said,”
the
Capitalize word
The
show examples
 work makes a man worthy”. So, the job makes the men feel useful in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and always have (always) a purpose. In conclusion, so, every work is unique and has many situations in each. The Conditions differ, at various places, working with risks,
insalubrious
Correct word choice
and insalubrious
show examples
 situations (insalubrious) and that leave the workers thinking or have (necessary for retirement)a
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
 to retire ,
for example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who work in the sea,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 farms or in contact with chemical products,
then
Linking Words
, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should choose when is the best moment to retire from their activities and time for rest.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that there shouldn't be an age to retire.
Submitted by cidronia.buriti on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement age
  • progression
  • age discrimination
  • standardizing
  • workforce diversity
  • invaluable knowledge
  • expertise
  • motivated workforce
  • healthcare improvements
  • lifespans
  • physical demands
  • mental demands
  • justify
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