IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Health, not least diseases resulting from
sugar
Use synonyms
, has long been a matter of debate. Some opponents argue that products with high levels of carbohydrates should be made more expensive to discourage consumers
to buy
Change preposition
from buying
show examples
. I;
however
Linking Words
, believe that there are more feasible measures.  On the one hand, pricing up
sweets
Use synonyms
 is an undoubtedly practical solution. There is no disputing the fact that consumers tend to make purchasing choices on the basis of the price and value of the items. When they find it not worth buying sweeten because of an unreasonable price, they would, more or less, eat and drink less unhealthy food.
Instead
Linking Words
, they have a tendency
of choosing
Change preposition
to choose
show examples
 natural
sweets
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as fruits.
This
Linking Words
then
Linking Words
 leads to a healthy diet
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 restrictions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, raising the cost of sugary products is, to some extent, quite unjustifiable. Education seems to be a more plausible measure which solves
this
Linking Words
 problem from the root. Only if public awareness is enhanced, they still
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 and
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
 food and drinks with
sweets
Use synonyms
. To put it another way, the price costs more,and a significant number of purchasers are likely to maintain their original shopping habits
though
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Meanwhile, they are equipped with knowledge about the detrimental effects of
sweets
Use synonyms
, it is they to get rid of the
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another good way is the government's infringement on manufacturers to limit the levels of carbohydrates. If some regulations are passed, these producers have no choice, but to reduce the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their products. In conclusion, I would contend that there are many other feasible methods rather than pricing up to reduce the consumption of
sugar
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 reduce health problems related to a sweet diet.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the writer's position and provide a brief overview of the main points. Connect ideas more clearly throughout the essay to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support the main points in the essay. Ensure that the ideas are developed in a clear and comprehensive manner, and directly address the task prompt.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: