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Band 5.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
The
children
’s problem-solving skills vary whether that family is rich or poor. I agree that
children
 who are raised in
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 are more able to face issues and solve them than
children
 who are brought up
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 wealthy parents.
Firstly
,
children
 from impoverished
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 are more aware of the value of
money
, time and
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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. They learn to be independent at an early age due to thinking about how to deal with difficult situations related to finances, education, and health with less
money
.
For instance
, they can identify their essential needs and avoid other unnecessary things.
Second
,
children
 tend to be lonely and depressed because of
feel
Change the form of the verb
feeling
show examples
 unpleasant
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 from their parents and other people since childhood. In some cases, the skill that they can overcome their mental problems helps to significant decisions
such
 as goal setting, self-awareness and recognizing others.
On the other hand
,
children
 who are grown up in wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 are unable to master small important
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the challenges of adult life.
For example
, they literally have difficulty in determining daily consumption, the important needs of the month and the year. One of the reasons for
this
 is their parents provided them with the material things they wanted and needed. In conclusion,
independent
Correct article usage
an independent
show examples
 person is more successful
instead
 of
money
 and material things. A family with little
money
 teach their
children
 to work hard, save
money
, and be satisfied with what they have, so they are better prepared for life than a child raised in a family with a lot of
money
.
Submitted by nominerdene.kh0614 on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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