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Band 4.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
I do agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement that
children
 brought up in poor
families
 are better prepared to deal with the
problems
 of
adult
life
 than
children
 brought up by wealthy parents.
Children
 of poor parents are prematurely exposed to the
problems
 of
adult
life
 learning eg. learning to survive on a low family income and sacrificing luxuries for essential items. These
children
 begin and
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 to see the 'realities' of
life
 in their home or social environment. Their parent's own struggles serve as an example to them. These
children
 are taught
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 skills for survival as an
adult
 from a very early age. Many
children
 eg work
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the weekends or holidays to either collect some pocket money or even contribute to their
families'
Correct your spelling
families
show examples
 income. A good example is the many
children
 who accompany their parents to sell produce at the market. They are making a direct contribution to their
families
 in terms of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 or income.
Children
 of poor
families
also
 are highly motivated. They tend to set high goals to improve their economic & social situation. A relevant example would be Mr Bill Gates (founder of Microsoft Corporation) He had an impoverished background but he used his talent and motivation to set up the
worlds
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world's
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 largest computer organisation.
However
, there are some
problems
 that
children
 from poor backgrounds do encounter. Many of these
children
 who are 'robbed' of their childhood eg while working, may feel cheated. They often turn to crime.
This
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
, is a small group. In summing up,
children
 with impoverished backgrounds are able to deal with
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
 of
adult
life
 because of early exposure, family role models and sheer motivation.
Submitted by domiluck84 on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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