IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that there should be a law to ban young people under 18 to go out after the midnight, others think it should not be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #law #ban #midnight
Many people are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of allowing their
teen
Fix the agreement mistake
teens
show examples
 under 18 to go out post-midnight while others are not
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
show examples
 of
this
 idea. In order to safeguard their teens, parents prioritized the safety and security of their kids for the reason that they know that teenagers
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to do acts out of curiosity.
This
 may be in the form of smoking, drinking liquor, and the use of prohibited drugs. With
this
, they prevent them from taking unwanted biases that will save not only their bright future but themselves as well.
On the other hand
, there are parents who
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 freedom to their teenagers. They authorized their child under 18 to go out after 12.00 pm. They believe that it will promote autonomy and psychological development in their children.
By gaining
Change preposition
Gaining
show examples
 control over their lives will facilitate independence which in turn
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
great help towards their race with life.
Also
, it will help them develop their personality by spending time with their peers. These
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
 sharing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problems or issues with their friends and gaining new interest or hobbies
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which can be an outlet to release their stress In summary, parents have different views and
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 in raising their siblings.
However
, I believe that minors should not be allowed to spend time outside their house after midnight primarily for their safety and security. Since we all know that minors are not yet capable to make
rightful
Add an article
a rightful
show examples
 judgement because they are
naturally
Add an article
a naturally
the naturally
show examples
 radical thinker and often wants to discover and experience things
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own.
Submitted by ace0547789 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: