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Band 3

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#consideration #career #job #income
Primarily having
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 income in any career or
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 is very important
considerate
Replace the word
consideration
show examples
 to choosing a job position. Because of the reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraph totally agree with
this
 idea.
Secondly
 when
people
 have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 income from their job they can
also
 have a calm mind to do their
work
 and actually be the best version of their self at their
work
 time.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 they can have high motivation to tolerance
work
 pressure and make hand
work
 time to gold time so in
this
situation
Add a comma
,situation
show examples
 they can pass all of the
work
 difficulty and have
work
 satisfaction alternatively
people
 with high salaries not only have
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 ability to pay their monthly bills. Including water, electricity and … but
also
 can day for other expenses for
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
 clothes, daily purchases and actually saving money for their rainy days.
Then
 said
people
 with high salaries
also
 have high quality in their
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 when
people
 have enough money to pay for their
life
 they can have all the facilities to have a comfortable
life
 and it can have a direct effect on their healthy system
besides
 having
income
Add an article
an income
show examples
, career is essential to staying healthy. To conclude, high salaries are considered to be one of the most crucial factors for
people
 to live.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
show examples
 these
people
 will find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 much easier without thinking when buying or paying
something
Change preposition
for something
show examples
.
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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • job satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • personal fulfillment
  • financial stability
  • passion
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • societal impact
  • income disparity
  • material success
  • monetary compensation
  • wealth accumulation
  • economic well-being
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