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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in many countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #businesses #people #closure #business #death #communities
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Many large global corporations owned
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 which are increasingly becoming popular in many countries. Some people believed that
this
Linking Words
 rapid expansion of marts will lead to the extinction of the local
shops
Use synonyms
 established by the local communities. The increase of
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 in cities and small towns
has
Change the verb form
have
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 rapidly grown in the
last
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 few years.
This
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 has led to
Correct article usage
a change
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change
Wrong verb form
changes
show examples
shopping
Change preposition
in shopping
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 habits
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the communities. Customers can buy more varieties of
products
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different global brands under one roof, which is much more convenient, as in
this
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 age everyone is lack
of
Change preposition
apply
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time.
In addition
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, these marts offer many discounts and more affordable prices for the same product,
hence
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attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
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 more consumers. Another reason, malls
affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the patron
a patron
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patron
Fix the agreement mistake
patrons
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by
Change preposition
through
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 advertising;
this
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 way makes them
trusted
Wrong verb form
trust
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 about
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
products
Use synonyms
 in
Add an article
the supermarket
a supermarket
show examples
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
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.
On the other hand
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, local
shops
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, which, we can find at every corner of the street. Additional benefits of these local
shops
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 are that it opens early in the morning and closes late at night.
Hence
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 people
urgently
Correct pronoun usage
who urgently
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 need anything can get down from home and buy the things which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 urgently needed. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
supermarkets
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 provide more
products
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
buyers to choose from, they lack the warmth and friendliness offered by local businesses.
For example
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, owners of local
shops
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 sometimes let
the
Change the word
their
show examples
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 buy cheap items on credit.
Moreover
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, local stores have a long history of existence in a community, and they are a part of local people’s life.
Supermarkets
Use synonyms
 have brought the communities
an advanced options
Correct the article-noun agreement
advanced options
an advanced option
show examples
 for shopping and provided the demand for
products
Use synonyms
 in local
shops
Use synonyms
.
However
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, in my opinion, there are still some sections of our society who prefer to buy from their nearest
shops
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the death of
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 community is not possible due to
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 and malls.
Submitted by duyenduongthimy on

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  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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