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Band 5.5

Nowadays, people spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this? What effect will it have on themselves and their families?

#people #time #families #effect
With the development of the fast society, more and more
people
 prefer to go outside for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
.In recent years, young
people
 cost much
time
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
busy
Add a missing verb
be busy
show examples
 but except accompany their parents.The reason is that
people
 need to deal with lots of social
things
 and
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 more complex events
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outdoors in modern urban. Meanwhile, it caused children and family members
Change preposition
to increasing
show examples
increasing
Change the verb form
to increase
show examples
 negative influences which is reduce close
relationships
. At
first
,
as a result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens have to deal with amounts of
things
.Male
people
 need to
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 more social
things
except
Add the preposition
forexcept
show examples
 work events.That’s because
people
 have sorts of pressures and need to keep going lives.
Such
 as these
people
 have to
raising
Change the verb form
raise
show examples
 their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, so they go out to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other places to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
 jobs for earning more money.
In addition
, female
people
also
 have their stresses towards
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
relationships
.They get along with
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
 and
Correct pronoun usage
their husband
show examples
husband
Fix the agreement mistake
husbands
show examples
 for a long
time
. So
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 even should
crate
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 more social chances to communicate with other
people
.
Then
 they can
expend
Correct your spelling
expand
show examples
 their circle of friends and have
variety
Replace the word
various
show examples
social
Change preposition
of social
show examples
 activities.Whatever wife or mother
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 identity,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
also
 should
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 abundant lifestyles.
For example
,
Add an article
the woman
a woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 did housework and raised
baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
show examples
 every day and night in the past.
However
,in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society,
female
Add an article
the female
a female
show examples
 has sorts of
entitle
Change the form of the verb
entitled
show examples
 to do a lot of
things
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outdoors.
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
These
Correct your spelling
There
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 basically
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as which was
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 did. On the one hand,
this
 phenomenon lead to children and family
people
 both
were
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 hazarded.Because human beings need more physical touches
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
show examples
 interpersonal
relationships
.Especially for
people
 related by blood.If someone
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not keep in touch with their family members for a long
time
.These
people
 will be reduced more and more emotions plus possibly increase plenty of aggressive
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Due to initial
Change preposition
Initial
show examples
 emotion of
baby
Correct article usage
a baby
show examples
 is affection between blood relations.So a person should redesign their schedule and take
time
 with their parents.
On the other hand
,
people
 be away from home for a long
time
 to busy.It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
easily
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 body condition
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 worse.Lots of younger citizens start to go to the hospital
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
treat
Change the verb form
treating
show examples
 modern diseases
such
 as stomach diseases caused by
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
alcohol drinking and insomnia caused by excessive tension during the daytime. In brief,
people
 don’t get along with their families for a long
time
 because they have various social pressures nowadays,which
also
 lead to amounts of negative
relationships
 with their family members and person’s health hazards.
Submitted by 185584258 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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