It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree ot disagree?

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The education
Correct article usage
Education

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is key to success. In
the
Correct article usage
apply

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school
Add a comma
,school

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we are taught all the basic subjects and as we grow from
elemantary
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elementary

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to
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middle
midddle
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middle

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and
than
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then

The word than doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to High school, we have
option
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the option

It appears that the noun option is not preceded by the correct article. Consider changing the article.

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to choose a subject for which we have more
apitutde
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aptitude

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. Every subject, including painting and drawing, are
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important
importants
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important

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for young students but
on the other
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

hand
Add a comma
,hand

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase on the other hand. Consider adding a comma.

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too many subjects may lead to too much pressure and load.
Paiting
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Painting

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and drawing in childhood make our mind
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply

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sharp and we learn to distinguish the
colors
Change the spelling
colours

The spelling of colors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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from each other. Basic knowledge of drawing and paintings help us in our daily life when we grow older. Having too many
subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects

The singular countable noun subject follows the quantifier many, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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in school is very stressful for students so it's better to concentrate more on each student's

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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