There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
believe that among many motivations which keep
people
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in the workforce,
money
is the most crucial factor.
While
I think that salary is an important factor, I would argue that
money
is not the most considerable
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
. On the one hand, there are several reasons
making
Rephrase
why making
show examples
money
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
a concern
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
employees.
Firstly
, a job with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary could help
people
meet basic human needs and enjoy their life. They could deal with all their expenditures and spend their free time hanging out with friends to build strong relationships or taking a gap year and
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
to different countries to broaden their knowledge.
Furthermore
, having a job with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary increases the chance for
people
to pursue higher education.
For example
, they can learn from many courses in different nations without worrying about the cost.
Consequently
, it gives them countless opportunities to study with top-tier professors
in
Change preposition
around
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the world, which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
their knowledge
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
besides
money
, there are many crucial factors
attract
Correct pronoun usage
that attract
show examples
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
.
First,
working can help
people
gain valuable experience and give them countless opportunities to work in a professional environment. If they work in a professional company, they can develop their soft skills, which help them pretty much in their future career. Employers can
be train
Change the verb form
be trained
show examples
by being put under pressure
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
overburdening
Wrong verb form
overburdened
show examples
with many tasks.
Second,
playing an important role in a business could enhance
employee’s
Correct article usage
an employee’s
show examples
resume, which is what most universities expect today. Some high-fliers must have experience
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working to increase the possibility of applying successfully to top-tier institutions. In conclusion, it is certainly true that
money
is a motivation
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
to remain in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
workforce, but
this
is by no means the most important
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
.
Submitted by tienduongftu on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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