There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
believe that among many motivations which keep people
stay
in the workforce, Verb problem
apply
money
is the most crucial factor. While
I think that salary is an important factor, I would argue that money
is not the most considerable motivations
. On the one hand, there are several reasons Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
making
Rephrase
why making
money
be
a concern Correct subject-verb agreement
is
of
employees. Change preposition
for
Firstly
, a job with high
salary could help Correct article usage
a high
people
meet basic human needs and enjoy their life. They could deal with all their expenditures and spend their free time hanging out with friends to build strong relationships or taking a gap year and travel
to different countries to broaden their knowledge. Wrong verb form
travelling
Furthermore
, having a job with high
salary increases the chance for Correct article usage
a high
people
to pursue higher education. For example
, they can learn from many courses in different nations without worrying about the cost. Consequently
, it gives them countless opportunities to study with top-tier professors in
the world, whichChange preposition
around
enhance
their knowledgeCorrect subject-verb agreement
enhances
much
. Correct quantifier usage
apply
On the other hand
, besides
money
, there are many crucial factors attract
Correct pronoun usage
that attract
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
decision
. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
First,
working can help people
gain valuable experience and give them countless opportunities to work in a professional environment. If they work in a professional company, they can develop their soft skills, which help them pretty much in their future career. Employers can be train
by being put under pressure Change the verb form
be trained
of
Correct your spelling
or
overburdening
with many tasks. Wrong verb form
overburdened
Second,
playing an important role in a business could enhance employee’s
resume, which is what most universities expect today. Some high-fliers must have experience Correct article usage
an employee’s
of
working to increase the possibility of applying successfully to top-tier institutions. In conclusion, it is certainly true that Change preposition
apply
money
is a motivation of
Change preposition
for
people
to remain in a
workforce, but Correct article usage
the
this
is by no means the most important factors
.Fix the agreement mistake
factor
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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion