IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

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There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over should the
authority
Use synonyms
 make a payment for medical care and schooling.
While
Linking Words
 some claim that It is necessary for the state to invest in the healthcare
system
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 and the educational
system
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, the opposite makes a statement that the payment is not held responsible to the
authority
Use synonyms
.
While
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 each has its own perks,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would contend that it is ideal to combine both mentioned factors Without a shadow of a doubt, the governor ought to cover the
cost
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education and healthcare.
This
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 could be because It can amend the physical health of people, so it can enhance the economy
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the nation.
For example
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,
some
Change preposition
in some
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 developed
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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likes
Wrong verb form
like
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 Germany and the
Netherland
Fix the agreement mistake
Netherlands
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, the lawmaker offers free tuition or
supply
Fix the agreement mistake
supplies
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 with scholarships and medical insurance for citizens.
Hence
Linking Words
, making an investment
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these two backbones industries is of the essence for the
authority
Use synonyms
.
While
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 the necessity of
financially
Change the adverb
financial
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 support for the schooling and the medical care of the governor is widely acknowledged, they ought not to take full accountability for it.
This
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 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that the government’s budget is not allowed, as they have to bear the
cost
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other elements. The citizens should use their own money, so they can improve their awareness about protecting their health and
ensuing
Verb problem
improving
show examples
 the learning quality. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, the development of entertainment industries can be cited as
compelling
Add an article
a compelling
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 example of other elements that the
authority
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 must splurge money on. On the one hand, if the lawmaker
cover
Change the verb form
covers
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 all the
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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, people who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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drop out of school because of their slothfulness will
also
Linking Words
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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.
This
Linking Words
 will lead to unfairness for people who have responsibility.
Thus
Linking Words
,
schooling
Correct article usage
the schooling
show examples
 and healthcare
system
Use synonyms
 should not be fully invested by the government. In conclusion, despite providing
Correct your spelling
financial
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 support for the
Correct your spelling
educational
educcational
Correct your spelling
educational
system
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical care is essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 development, the
authority
Use synonyms
 should not bear the entire
cost
Use synonyms

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Coherence Cohesion
Ensure clear paragraph structure. Each paragraph should encompass one main idea, supported by specific examples and explanations.
Coherence Cohesion
In your introduction, clearly outline your opinion and the reasons you will discuss. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Clearly state your opinion and support it with specific, relevant examples.
Coherence Cohesion
Avoid using unnecessarily complicated expressions and focus on clarity. This will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
Coherence Cohesion
Work on grammar and sentence structure to enhance readability and coherence. Minor errors can distract from the overall message.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. These examples should directly relate to the argument and clearly demonstrate your point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human rights
  • boosts the country's economy
  • productivity
  • public funding
  • equality and accessibility
  • socio-economic status
  • privatized
  • disparities
  • prioritize
  • people's well-being
  • inefficiencies
  • bureaucratic challenges
  • mixed approach
  • optimize
  • quality
  • availability
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