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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern times, most people pay attention to their
work
 but their ownself and
more
Add a missing verb
have more
show examples
 and more
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 time for entertainment and
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
. I think
this
 situation will bring us more disadvantages than advantages, and I will discuss my
Correct your spelling
reasons
resaons
Correct your spelling
reasons
 in
this
 essay. Focus on
work
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 help us to make some
achivenments
Correct your spelling
achievements
 in our career, but I don't think it is the best way because there are lots of costs when we pay lots
attention
Change preposition
of attention
show examples
 to
work
.
For example
, Working too much makes us tired, and when we get tired we may lose our temper which will be a disaster. So I think
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
 balance is more
efficiency
Replace the word
efficient
show examples
 to make achievements in our career. Working
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much is bad for our family
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and our
life
. Some
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
Correct your spelling
research
researches
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
 show that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more fight in busy
families
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the main reason for
busy
Add a missing verb
being busy
show examples
 is working long hours. Sometimes we should
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 about what
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
our
rearly
Correct your spelling
really
 want, and what our
life
 is
meaning
Add an article
a meaning
the meaning
show examples
 for. Most people
work
 for their
Correct your spelling
lives
life's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 and
families
, but
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 live for
work
, but if we put
work
 in front of our
life
 and family, we are more likely to
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 balance between
work
 and
life
.
Therefore
, I think we should leave some time for leisure activities with
families
.
Although
 working long hours can benefit our career,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I think it has more disadvantages because it
neither
Add a missing verb
is neither
show examples
 the best way to make achievements nor a good method to maintain our family
realations
Correct your spelling
relations
.
Submitted by wangyiming2 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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