IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age ( e.g 65 years ) for everybody , regardless of occupation is unfair . They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension
It is widely acknowledged that with the development of technology and urbanization , the government is carrying out in changes all fields .
Likewise
, the retirement
age
 should be determined depending on a person ʼs lifestyle and work , and others are against
this
 idea. I strongly believe that
this
 is the right decision and I will support
this
 view with arguments in the following paragraphs.
First
 and foremost , due to the variety of jobs around people, work is different among them .
In other words
, some workers
such
 as teachers , militaries , and emergency service personnel and these jobs would involve huge energy and desire .
Therefore
, during the job they may obtain both positive and negative factors like communication , qualification, managerial experience; stress and pressure, losing healthy and others .
For example
, taking teachers. Thousand of people in the world want to be a teacher in order to give good knowledge and experiences to students. But not everyone can do
this
. In turn, they focus all their attention on
this
 profession and can lose a lot of health along the way.
Secondly
, older society who work in emergency services cannot do
such
 a responsible and difficult job , and it is wrong to involve them in it . While a person at
this
age
 normally carries a deep knowledge of the job ,
this
 profession requires some intense exercise .
Furthermore
,
this
 professional is constantly putting their life at risk . So , it is fair to reward them with
this
 benefit.
However
, the government should give the nation a choice of evacuation . They sometimes do not want an early retirement
age
 and want to continue working in their favourite profession for the long term , and
this
 will help them not to waste time . To sum ,up taking, everything into consideration ,
although
 there are several disadvantages of early retirement
age
, I firmly believe that
this
 cannot outweigh its advantages.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: