IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #education #agreement #government’s #responsibility
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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over the fact that the authority should make a payment for the healthcare
system
 and schooling.
While
 some hold a strong view that it is essential for them to invest in those two, the opposite makes a statement that the governor doesn't have to take responsibility for it.
While
 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is ideal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt, it is necessary that the government should spend money on the medical and educational
system
. Because it can improve
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 workforce quality and physical health so that it can help our country’s economy foster.
For example
, countries with developed economies
such
 as Germany and The Netherlands, pay tuition and provide scholarships for students.
Hence
, pouring money
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the medical care and education
system
 is of necessity for the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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.
While
 paying for the healthcare
system
 and schooling is widely acknowledged, they ought not to pay fully for those two aspects.
This
due
Add a missing verb
is due
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 to the fact that the budget of the governor is not enough, they
also
 have to allocate money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many fields. Citizens should pay themself because it will increase their responsibility and awareness about their health and education.
For instance
,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of facilities and tourism development can be cited as compelling examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other areas where the authority invests. If the government pays fully, it will be unfair because there are people who are lazy or have bad habits. They will benefit without doing anything.
Thus
, the government should not pay fully for these things. In conclusion,
although
 financial support for the health care
system
 and schooling is vital, those expenditures can not be completely paid for by
they
Change the pronoun
them
show examples
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Work on providing more concrete and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help in making your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay remains focused on the main topic, avoiding any unrelated or generic statements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the structure and flow of your essay by linking ideas more explicitly and using cohesive devices effectively. This will aid in enhancing the reader's understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop paragraphs that revolve around a single main idea, supported by specific examples or arguments. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human rights
  • boosts the country's economy
  • productivity
  • public funding
  • equality and accessibility
  • socio-economic status
  • privatized
  • disparities
  • prioritize
  • people's well-being
  • inefficiencies
  • bureaucratic challenges
  • mixed approach
  • optimize
  • quality
  • availability
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