There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, parents as much
government
Change preposition
of government
show examples
and the educational system, are avid to
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
children
to get
high-quality
Add an article
a high-quality
show examples
education, since it is the essential factor for their future life. There is a widespread opinion that non-academic subjects should not be taught at school and it's claimed that it would increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
's academic success. In
this
,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
I will argue that while it may be helpful,
such
unacademic skills are important and useful for
children
. To start with, the Young generation nowadays
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a great problem with concentration,
subsequently
Add a comma
,subsequently
show examples
at
schools
Add a comma
,schools
show examples
unacademic activities can represent a distraction from their studying. The study concluded in America, shown that it is much better for
children
not to be interrupted from their studying
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it is
then
hard for them to continue their job.
On the other hand
, burdening the
children
only with homework without break between it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
their unstable mental health.
For instance
: my brother had swimming and football lessons at school, and that's the reason he always goes to college with a happy face and never becomes tired of the routine.
Furthermore
, Cooking and swimming is the great way to facilitate anxiety and decrease stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
,
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
children
should be encouraged to stay fit and healthy, via
such
activities since obesity is the 21st century's main problem.
Moreover
, physical education represents the same importance as much as math or English. In conclusion, while unacademic subjects may be a distraction for
children
, it is essential to remain
such
activities at schools, because it is a way
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
clear
Fix the infinitive
to clear
show examples
their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
and increase their productivity.
Submitted by janelidzenatali10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: