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Band 4.5

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#organisations #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
Due to the fact that it is 21st century most organizations’ principle is getting well-dressed but some companies do not require
elegancy
Correct your spelling
elegance
show examples
 in clothing including formal clothes. Their value in
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of
work
 is more essential than appearance which is not incorrect.
However
, dressing smartly is one
way
 to get self-confidence and increase a chance of
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the work-field
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work-field
Correct your spelling
work field
show examples
. Those must need fashionable or stylish outfit
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mostly comes from “service-related field”
such
 as hotels, markets, clothing company and even police etc.
For instance
, imagine you
work
 in a fancy hotel and your customers are the wealthiest people alive but
then
 what if you are dressed in just a casual
way
, it is obvious that it will not be suitable. Your customers probably will get
bad
Add an article
a bad
the bad
show examples
first
 impression about you just because of your appearance.
Furthermore
, dressing in a smart
way
 is not only about being elegant but
also
 about self-confidence which means the more you look good, the more you believe in yourself.
On the other hand
, if the organization values
work
 more than aspect it can be effective too. To give you an idea, if the company you
work
 in doesn’t need you to dress smartly, you do not need to consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what to wear to look better and can concentrate on your
work
 more efficiently. What is more is, it can save
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 amount of time and effort at the same time as it is
easier
Correct article usage
an easier
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way
 possible to focus on your
work
. You do not need to buy or wear
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 qualified clothes means you save that amount of money and just dress as casually as possible. Overall, it depends on what sort of companies
and
Add a missing verb
are and
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 what are rules or principles of that company
.
Add a missing verb
are.
show examples
 But I think
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 impression is one of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 in our life and to make a good one
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
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 have to dress more smartly than usual. Even concentrating on
work
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 your appearance could be
mental
Add an article
a mental
show examples
 break for you, you still
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to decide what to wear cleverly.
Submitted by ET21002ndgroup on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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