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Band 3.5

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development
So many individuals use
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 to send
money
 to friends, family and businesses in today’s world. In my opinion, as
this
 is
fast
Add an article
a fast
show examples
 and safe method to
transfer
money
, I think it is
absolutely
Add an article
an absolutely
show examples
 positive development. Nowadays time is
most
Add an article
a most
the most
show examples
 important thing for
people
 and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 lets them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do their work much fast. In past,
people
 should go to the banks
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
transfer
money
 their
money
 to
other account
Change the wording
another account
other accounts
show examples
. But now downloading some mobile applications
people
 can
transfer
 their
money
 just in a few seconds. It is
also
easy
Add an article
an easy
show examples
 and useful way for businesses because
people
 don’t have to go to
bank
Add an article
the bank
a bank
show examples
 and wait there for hours for
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
money
. Safety is another reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals for using
online
Correct article usage
the online
show examples
transfer
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
.
Although
 sometimes
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in the news that programmers can hack and steal
money
 from their accounts, banks use super cybersecurity systems
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 protect
money
. Especially, in big
banks
Add a comma
,banks
show examples
 there are a lot of employees who
responsible
Add a missing verb
are responsible
show examples
 for IT security and they are always ready for hacker attacks.
In addition
,
people
also
 can keep safe themselves
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 using strong passwords and secure internet connection. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 can think online
transfer
 may be dangerous, it has so many positive sides,
such
 as security and
quick
Correct article usage
a quick
show examples
 payment system
Submitted by manqanat1 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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