IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

1. Some people choose a career according to the social status, or salary. Others choose a career according to their interests. So what do you think is the best wat to choose a career? Give reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #career #status #salary #interests #wat #support
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Population explosion is one of the critical problems facing
people
 on Earth in today's world. It is
thus
 widely believed that to feed
such
burgeoning
Correct article usage
a burgeoning
show examples
 population edible
insects
 should be used for
food
.
Still
Add a comma
,Still
show examples
 there
exists
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
 some opponents to
this
 perception who may argue that insect consumption takes a toll on not only
people
's health but
also
 mother nature. From my perspective eating
food
 of insect origin would have both upsides and downsides. There are innumerable merits of consuming
food
 products
originated
Wrong verb form
originating
show examples
 from
insects
, one of which is the health benefits. It is true that
insects
 are an invaluable source of protein and
often
Add a missing verb
are often
show examples
 not subject to battery farming meaning that
people
 could avoid taking pernicious substances into their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. Another justification is that eating
insects
 would save thousands of individuals from hunger.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 Africa is one of the most densely populated areas on Earth, but countless inhabitants are suffering from
food
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
show examples
, some even starve to
die
Replace the word
death
show examples
. For that reason turning edible
insects
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 would result in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 abundance of
food
 supply, thereby protecting humans from hunger. The intake of insect
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
howeveis
Correct your spelling
however
 detrimental.
First
 should
people
 eat
insects
 of unknown origin they may suffer from foodborne illnesses or get poisoned and decease. The health hazards are even greater when farmers apply chemical substances on their fields for better crop yield, and those
insects
 are undoubtedly adversely affected. Humans
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a result of eating
insects
 face the risk of contracting lethal maladies
such
 as cancer.
Accordingly
, many
people
 would not be willing to risk their lives for the trial. It should
also
 be noted that once humans make use of edible
insects
 as foods the
food
 chain may be disrupted upsetting the life cycle of certain species and even putting some on the verge of being wiped out.
For
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, for the reasons mentioned above, I would contend that eating foods of animal origin would have not only merits but
also
 demerits.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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