IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development
In the modern era, a wide range of society uses the Internet and their mobile phones in order to conduct
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
show examples
 and transmit
money
 to friends, household members and businesses. From my perspective,
this
 new technology has a lot of advantages to enhance each individual’s quality of life. On the one hand, transferring
money
 via the Internet is so convenient that they can deal with numerous problems in daily life. In the past, if people wanted to transfer
money
 to someone, they had to spend a great amount of time going to the banks and doing various receipts to be able to transfer
money
 for someone. Nowadays, due to the convenience of useful applications, they can transfer everywhere
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 every time they need for several purposes.
Moreover
, these systems
also
 allow them to keep
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own records easily after transferring
money
.
On the other hand
, people’s accounts could be put at risk due to the loopholes of these systems.
Therefore
, the lack of the elderly’s ignorance can lead to being easily duped by phishing emails or messages. Another negative impact is that each individual might face the situation that their private information will be leaked to the outside, which can be utilized by criminals for detrimental purposes like stealing
money
 or
also
 purchasing their information. @@ To conclude, each individual ought to keep calm and be cautious of potential fraud;
however
, online
money
 transfers are a beneficial technological advancement.
Submitted by beolaho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: