IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The leaders of most organizations tend to be older people. However, some argue that younger people make better bosses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #organizations #people #argue #bosses
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Many companies usually choose older
people
 to be the
leaders
 while there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
Correct your spelling
argument
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation can
also
 be a better choice.
This
 essay will discuss whether age is an important factor to decide who should be the
leaders
 in an organization.
Firstly
, I will explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why older
employees
 should be promoted.
Secondly
,
this
 essay will point out the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 selecting younger groups to be in high-level positions.
To begin
 with, senior
people
 have more experience and get respect from others in the
organizations
Fix the agreement mistake
organization
show examples
. As they have worked with their companies for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time, they understand most of the tasks and gain
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
skills from their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Moreover
, they tend to collaborate with more
people
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger workers. Every project they join
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 more connection
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
employees
 and
therefore
, they are supported to be promoted by many
people
 in their companies.
However
, younger
people
 can
also
 be good
leaders
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their intelligence. Due to the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation group is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast learners and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 operation with technology
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
 them to work smarter and faster compare to the older
employees
.
Furthermore
, they are familiar to seek knowledge from the internet to make a good
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 by learning
others’
Change preposition
about others’
show examples
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 written on the internet.
Thus
, younger workers can
also
 become good bosses based on their
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
 and self-development. To sum up, both younger and older
employees
 have their unique outstanding points for being promoted to high-level positions.
In my
Change preposition
My
show examples
 view, I partly agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement of selecting the older but
also
 support the younger group to be the
leaders
.
Good
Add an article
A good
show examples
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 should have both intelligent and
respectation
Correct your spelling
expectation
 from others to make
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 co-working environment.
Submitted by pnchanikan on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • strategic decision-making
  • crisis management
  • innovative ideas
  • adaptable
  • tech-savvy
  • digital transformation
  • complex situations
  • high-pressure decisions
  • empathy
  • patience
  • strategic foresight
  • authoritative
  • collaborative work culture
  • dynamic
  • inclusive organizational culture
  • ageism
What to do next:
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