IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such areas?

#demand #energy #sources #oil #gas #people #places #areas
With the industrial revolution
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increasing，people have to boost their requirements
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 oil and gas.There are still many remote and untouched places to be offered.People have no choice but to face the problems
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
double-edged
Add an article
a double-edged
show examples
 sword.I absolutely think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.It is not clever and they just look ahead too much. The development of our energy exploitation must bring about too many problems
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the local environment.Local ecology and sustainable development will be turned a deaf ear to.
First
Add a comma
,First
show examples
 of foremost,the local hydrology and atmosphere
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 destroyed by carbon emissions during mining.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the pollution
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
soil
Correct article usage
the soil
show examples
 can't be ignored by us at the same time.Water,
soil
Correct word choice
and soil
show examples
 will be dirty and clean air becomes
haze
Add an article
a haze
show examples
.Local biodiversity will be changed by strong pollution.
Although
 the exploitation and sale of energy can promote the rapid development of the local economy, the damage to the local environment is irreversible in the long run.
Submitted by 185584258 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented
  • unspoiled
  • hydrocarbon exploration
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable energy
  • renewable resources
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystem conservation
  • indigenous rights
  • climate resilience
  • habitat destruction
  • infrastructure development
  • technological advancements
  • economic stimulus
  • social unrest
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: