Some people think that the main factors influencing a child's development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Raising children into mature and successful adults is a big responsibility. Nowadays people believe that the main influence on children’s development is their
friends
, music and TV show
. Others opine that the family have the critical factors influencing their kids. In my Fix the agreement mistake
shows
opinion
I totally agree with the second view, and in Add a comma
opinion,
this
essay
I will explain why and draw my own conclusion.
First of all , children spend much of their time with their Add a comma
essay,
parents
and can easily get their behaviours. The reason behind this
is that parents
have the most responsibility to deal with their children in every moment of life . For example
, if the parents
have good and healthy behaviour in their relationship and respect each other in every view or point the child will be more understanding and will respect his siblings and friends
. Another reason is that parents
spend most of their time teaching their kids and they see them in all situations that they face .
On the other hand
, these days the majority of young people are not spending time staying at home as teenagers in the past ,and they prefer to hang out with a friend or their pupils in school and that is
one reason to react and gain their behaviour. One example to prove this
is that many researchers from Oxford University found that the child’s career and his future depend on his friends
and who is hanging out with. For instance
, if it is the child has friends
whom they study very well and work hard to have high grades he will challenge himself to be like them as much as possible .
In conclusion, although
friends
and television play a role in children’s behaviour. Family and parents
have huge factors to influence their children’s development .Submitted by Noufalbahouth5 on
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task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to summarize your main points and provide a clear direction in the introduction and conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
