Some people move to other countries when they retire. Others think it is better to retire in their home country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #move #countries #home #country

Some senior citizens try to move their residence area after retirement because of personal reasons.

However

, others believe that it is good to remain in their hometown when

people

get older. I personally claim that changing the environment by moving to

other

Correct quantifier usage

another

show examples

society could be helpful to refresh their mind in terms of having new experiences and finding an appropriate place of their own. On one hand, many

crowd

Change to a plural noun

crowds

show examples

who retire from work want to live in other countries to refresh themselves. Employees may have fixed routines for working, even though they do not have

interest

Correct article usage

an interest

show examples

in it.

Hence

, immigration would be a good chance to get new experiences and places that fit their interest after retirement. Those attempts might influence the rest of their lives.

On the other hand

, settling in their hometown is preferred by some old population. They might think that surrounding by a familiar environment can give them relaxation and comfort. Those atmospheres tend to be needed for society who are exhausted from work and life. Those

people

may want to be relaxed by already-known neighbours and scenery. In my opinion, older

people

might need more experience to find their own. At an early age, it would be hard to search for interests or preferences.

This

is because workers have difficulties balancing work and daily life.

However

, after retirement, I personally claim that it is important to find out what is needed or what I want. By moving to land, they can broaden their views by encountering various situations and

people

might discover themselves. They can know which place would be appropriate for the rest of their lives and what they actually want to do. When they do not focus on themselves, it could be hard to contend with their entire life, even if they have money and time. In

this

context, they should try some new experiences by moving to other countries to find their own identities. In conclusion, some retired

nation

Fix the agreement mistake

nations

show examples

are likely to have familiar

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

and environments when they get old. Meanwhile, I personally suggest that immigration could be a better choice when they want to know themselves more and find out what they want or where they live by experiencing many things.

Submitted by erimkim on Sun Nov 27 2022

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

371 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people move to other countries when they retire. Others think it is better to retire in their home country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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Many people join distance-learning programmes and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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